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eclectica
2003-08-21, 11:38
When you give a gift, are strings and conditions attached to the gift? It is better not to receive a gift than to receive a gift with too many conditions attached to it.

Do not underestimate the pride of people. They would rather be poor than have to accept gifts with many conditions tied to them. When you consider all the social organizations and charities out there, then you might think that no one is hungry or homeless in a country like the United States. But because of conditions tied to charity, people choose to live on the streets because they don't want to be bound by the rules of a homeless shelter. Also, they are mentally ill and paranoid, and that is a bigger factor than their pride as to why they are on the streets.

Even charity tends to be done for selfish reasons; to feel good about oneself and to have good social status. If people were completely altruistic then all their donations would be anonymous. Do you believe that virtue is its own reward? Perhaps it could be, but then to get credit for being charitable, is a welcome bonus.

Too much altruism and selflessness goes against self-preservation. If we were to devote our lives to solving the problems of the World, then we would never be happy. It is also unfair when just a few people shoulder the burden.

In p2p file sharing, there is a concept of the leech, which has been pointed out be a bit oxymoronic. How can one say that one refuses to share to a person who refuses to share? Here is my explanation for why it is not oxymoronic: it is because of the scarcity of bandwidth, that one is justified in selecting who one shares one's files with. By allowing a leech to download, it deprives a more deserving person a slot to download. One must budget one's charity and limited resources.

Because some people are more deserving or needy than others, gifts implicitly have strings and conditions attached to them. Gifts should be given to people who want or appreciate them. Due to social politeness, it is hard to tell if a person really appreciates a gift or not. Check their garbage can to find out the truth. Or maybe they're collectors of junk who refuse to throw out anything. This happens because of the automated gift giving, that occurs at times like Christmas. I think it's better that people give nothing than to give useless crap to people. I know someone who gives his father $50 in a card for Christmas, and his father does the same for him. It seems they've found a solution to the money losing and guilt induced process of automated gift giving.

The best approach to charity is to see the shades of grey rather than it being a black and white issue. When giving gifts, it is good to have a minimal amount of strings and conditions attached. Do not pressure a person to like your gift or to like you after giving the gift. Instead learn from the act to decide if in the future you need to choose a different gift to give, or a different person to give to.

Dollar_Girl
2004-03-16, 13:28
i never know what to buy when it comes to gifts... hence i am guilty of buying crap that a person doesnt' really need. I find gift buying when a gift is expected (esp xmas) gives me a headache... it tenses me and stresses me... i mean especially buying a gift for a man... wtf do men want? Most men in my life are so SIMPLE that they are the most difficult ppl in the world. They have 2 pairs of shoes, 4 work shirts, 2 work shorts and 3 going out outfits, they eat, work and sleep and that is it... so what do u do? i buy aftershave coz it's a sure thing, it's a lame gift, but i just cant' take the pressure. my dad used to complain that his beer bottle cap opener was too big... so i went out for xmas one year and brought him a small silver bottle cap opener and a nice metal hook to go wiht it. Now, right near his beer and his ashtray, is a big shiney metal hook with a big shiney little cap opener hanging from the wall.

Women however are usually easy to please... yet, we refuse to please them by getting them thigns they would like. For example... women who have a family enjoy things for the house.... new pots or dishes and shit ... yet when my father is to buy my mother something he REFUSES to buy her these things because he feels nobody should be getting cooking pots for their birthday or xmas... yet some ppl feel it is fantastic to give ties or socks... who gets underwear for xmas?


THE BEST PRESENT I EVER GOT WAS A BIG CHUNK OF RAW CLAY. I moulded in the sunshine, till there was no clay to mould.


Anyway, i feel like gifts are forced traditions and that is why i dont like receiving them. How many times have u heard "well she didnt get me anything last year so why should i get her a present this year?" ...

it was easier when i was a kid... coz then i spent an hour making something out of old toilet rolls and that passed as a present... and at least i made it and it was thoughtful... sometimes i wish people gave me things made out of ice-cream sticks and toilet rolls ... i'd like that. I also like home made-cards instead of some 100 dollar prsent... i think simple is the way to go and proving your appreciation through the dollar value makes for a boring tradition.

Criminal_Sniper
2004-03-17, 04:42
i hate christmas
simply bnecause every year of my life my family has made it bad for me
last year though i went out drinking
i had the first christmas that i ever remember where i wasnt trying to kill my dad for being an asshole (or myself)
its highly overrated
and i wouldnt want a gift just some nicety about it

Dollar_Girl
2004-03-18, 23:26
Originally posted by Criminal_Sniper
i hate christmas
simply bnecause every year of my life my family has made it bad for me
last year though i went out drinking
i had the first christmas that i ever remember where i wasnt trying to kill my dad for being an asshole (or myself)
its highly overrated
and i wouldnt want a gift just some nicety about it


dude, i invite u one day to spend a christmas with MY family... then u will see true hell lol :coward: Our christmas takes place on the 24th of December at around 6-7pm... therefore, from early morning there is extreme tension, arguments, headaches untill we finally have xmas dinner at around 7pm... which by then, despite the hours of preperation, my headache is so bad and my muscles so tense that i am no longer hungry.

Note that xmas carols are banned at xmas, because my father doesn't like them.

eclectica
2004-03-19, 01:26
Originally posted by Dollar_Girl
Note that xmas carols are banned at xmas, because my father doesn't like them.
I am imagining that perhaps your father is an alpha male who rules the house with an iron fist, and spends his time sitting his fat ass on the couch watching the sports game, occasionally interrupting his train of thought during a commercial break to yell at or beat one of the family members.

Dollar_Girl
2004-03-20, 00:36
nah my father is a skinny tall man with legs like toothpicks who works most days 7 days a week all months of all year who likes to yell, dramatise and generally create tension. the only sports he watches is the world cup (Soccer) and the Winter olympics - both come once every 4 years? he just hates carols... he blasts Queen instead.


I think he likes drowning the neighbours festive carols with BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

Criminal_Sniper
2004-03-20, 12:49
i know what u mean kat
but they fuck up and i get the blame
no joke im the scapegoat
i dont enjoy my familys presence at all
u cant choose ya family but ya can choose ya friends
thank fuck im not stuck with my family i can leave yeah
i ate three pieces of ham the whole day the last year i spent with them
felt so sick from all the senseless bullshit

Dollar_Girl
2004-03-20, 15:01
dude, i feel for u... i think we're all scapegoats for our families... it's because out of everyone, they feel we can tolerate and forgive the most. I hear alot of unnecesary cruel words from my mother and father and it shits me to tears because i wonder where it all came from... and i hope that i never turn out like that. I want a different family life than the life i had growing up... dont get me wrong, my parents provided for me etc... but jesus christ, all the bullshit i endured... nobody scars u like our family does, but at the same time nobody will bear the type of love for u that a family does... in a twisted way, it is an intimately cruel relationsihp yet cruely beautiful also.

anyway somehwere down the track from my happy la la memories as a kid, my father turned into some sort of alcoholic with shot nerves and my mother is now an ageing angry menopausal woman who admits she is starting to dispise my father.


Now thats a happy familY!

Criminal_Sniper
2004-03-20, 17:40
just ur average happy family
i believe people should take relationships slower and really develop a RELATIONSHIP with the people
divorce is a major part of the problems in todays society