ghosts from the past

[eclectica]

I am haunted by memories of places and people I've known before. At times the memories seem so clear and I get a sense of yearning.

When people die before their time, especially if it is from suicide, it haunts the people who knew them. I think it's important that when people die in such a manner, that they be given some kind of burial at a graveyard. If someone lives a full life then there's less of a need for it. All of my grandparents lived full lives. The only thing we saved from my father's parents, was their cremated ashes.

About nine years ago a girl I knew killed herself. I didn't know her that well, but she worked at the same store that I did in a different department. I worked in the deli and she worked in book keeping. The memory of her disturbs me to this day. The reason why is that the very last night I saw her, she was unusually friendly to me. It was as if she was trying to reach out for help or comfort. She said goodbye in a sweet and tender way.

And then the next day I came to work, to discover that she had killed herself on the train tracks in Merrick, Long Island. One day you see a person, and the next day the person is gone. Just like that.

I've forgotten so much that I don't even remember her name anymore. But sometimes when I remember her, it really bothers me.

Well lately I've decided to do something about it rather than to continue to be bothered by the memories. I am going to find out her name, and find out where she is buried, and pay my respects to her at her grave. I never went to her funeral in the first place.

Her family was reluctant to have the store employees come. One guy who worked there said that they drove her too hard in their demands on her, and wanted her to attend NYU law school. Well I probably wouldn't have gone to her funeral anyways, because I didn't know her that well.

Yesterday I put the process into motion by actually visiting the store. I took the train there, because my car is getting fixed now. It is now called Stop & Shop instead of Foodtown. Some of the people still work there who worked there back then. So I asked them about the girl and they said they remembered but couldn't remember her name either. But one lady who works there told me I can call back today after she gets more information.

[eclectica]

Here's the song that I think of in mourning:

Samuel Barber - Adagio for Strings, played on organ.mp3 (http://www.tatom.org/eclectica/Samuel Barber - Adagio for Strings (played on organ).mp3) 8 MB

[Pii]

Originally posted by eclectica
The memory of her disturbs me to this day. The reason why is that the very last night I saw her, she was unusually friendly to me. It was as if she was trying to reach out for help or comfort. She said goodbye in a sweet and tender way EvEryDay, eVeryOne, eVeryWherE is REACHING out........



iT taKes a kEeN heArt &&& eYe to be tHere wheN yoUr'E neEdeD





iNevErmetaDogIdiDn'TliKe

[Unregistered]

Originally posted by Pii
EvEryDay, eVeryOne, eVeryWherE is REACHING out........



iT taKes a kEeN heArt &&& eYe to be tHere wheN yoUr'E neEdeD
You must be slx :)

[eclectica]

I called the store I used to work at, and someone was able to remember the name of the girl who died. So I sent an e-mail to the Long Island Railroad using her name, and they replied to me with a date of death. But they wouldn't give me any more information. I then contacted the local government, the Town of Hempstead, and they refused to provide me with the information regarding her death because I am not a relative. They suggested that in order to find her graveyard, I would have to call the funeral home which processed her body. Well I don't know which one did, and I can only take guesses because I don't know where she lived but I figure she lived around where she died in Merrick, and her family put her in a local one. So I printed out a list of about 50 funeral homes in Nassau county and I called a couple in the area there, but none had any record of her. I will try more later, as I cross them off one by one on the list.

I searched online for a Social Security death index and I found her Social Security number, name, birthday, and deathday listed in it here (http://www.ancestry.com/search/rectype/vital/ssdi/) at ancestry.com. Further information from that site requires an $80 subscription. However, I can file a FOIA request from the Social Security Administration, for a $27 fee. The site has a form already to be printed out automatically. This is the exact form here (http://www.ancestry.com/ssdi/ssdiletter.asp?fn=DANA&ln=HAYNES&ss=086%2D72%2D8968&bd=14+Feb+1974&dd=6+Mar+1995). So I will send that out and hopefully I will learn more information about the family and where she lived, so that I will have an idea of where to look for the specific funeral home, or even to contact them and ask them myself. Also once I have more information, I will be able to request birth and death records, which will further help my search.

It would be nice if the graveyards and funeral homes had a centralized and searchable index so that the deceased could be easily tracked and located.

Here is the information I have now:
Dana Haynes
born: Thursday, February 14, 1974
died: Monday, March 06, 1995
SS# 086-72-8968

[Criminal_Sniper]

dont think its good putting those numbers up is it?

[eclectica]

Originally posted by Criminal_Sniper
dont think its good putting those numbers up is it?
Well, she's dead. I'm just using it to keep notes. I have it written down on paper, but if I lose the paper I can refer here. The Social Security number has no relevance to the thread, but I don't think there's a harm in putting it there. Give me some possible scenarios where posting the information would be harmful in some way; maybe I'm missing something?

[Pii]

Originally posted by eclectica
maybe I'm missing something?

You aREnT


NoPE

nO hArm, nO FOuL

[Dollar_Girl]

did u end up visiting her grave?


a couple friends of mine were killed in 2002 in a car crash, they were only about 18 or 19.


About a week ago i bumped into an old school friend who told me that a girl we went to school with over dosed on drugs and died on her 18th birthday just after graduating high school. It saddens me that all her friends that were there, that watched her die, to this day do the same drugs that killed their friend. Her name was Teneale.

Anyway the friend i bumped into then started telling me about his own life... he was raped 4 times, drugs, attempted suicide... i thought how strange... i went to school with these people and i had no idea that they had these troubled lives.

However a beautiful boy i know who grew up a troubled child, has since changed his life around. After being suspended from what, 2 or 3 schools, he is now studying tertiarty education and wants to become a Christian Minister... strange because the whole time i knew him growing up, he didn't believe in christ. I've never seen someone change so much, the way he did. He always was a gentle, good hearted boy, even when causing trouble. I'm happy for him, because when i bumped into him about a month ago, he looked happy.


Once when i was coming home from high school (i used to travel to and from highschool by train), our train hit a young girl. She was about 16. At first i didnt know why the train had stopped, because i was sitting there listening to music with a friend of mine... we didn't hear the announcement so we had no clue what was going on... but then i looked out my window and her mangled body layed there, beside the tracks, twisted like a rag doll.

It was sad, because her death wasn't mentioned anywhere, and everybody started saying that she killed herself because she "must have been high or drunk" ... nobody even mentioned that she might have killed herself... just because she was sad.


I didn't like highschool, and i can't even tell u how many times i cried myself to sleep at ni ght during those times... and now, after hearing of these ppl who either lost their lives, or were/are troubled in some way.... i think aobut how many of THEM cried theirselves to sleep at night also...

A person feels alone sometimes, and feels like they are the only ones crying, because when the sun comes out and we go about our day, we put on some act... we hide our pain and we hide our tears... and when we are alone at night, that is when many feel it is ok to cry. You never know if the people u interact with on a daily basis are different people when the sun goes down... u dotn know if they are lonely, or if they cry at night, or if they look in the mirror and wish they didn't exist. One can never knowj. It's easier to pretend we're all ok and easier to let go when no one is looking.

[eclectica]

There is a fine line between seeking help and sympathy from people and being a burden and drain on them. People are more willing to give someone sympathy after the suicide, but then it's too late.

Society is a paradox of many people socializing but feeling lonely at the same time. The things that make people especially lonely and sad are holidays, such as Thanksgiving, New Year day, or Valentine's day, when people are supposed to be happy and socializing.

I got more information from the Social Security department of the Government and was able to find Dana's former address in Freeport. I also found a relative that appears to be her sister living at that same address, in the phone directory. I sent a letter to the family at that address about a month ago but never got a response back. Maybe my interest in her is considered to be an unhealthy type of stalking by the family, and they chose not to write back.

My next move would be to try to contact various funeral homes in the area and see if one of them processed her.