Log in

View Full Version : i am in the wilderness

2003-06-02, 18:37
ye gods, what have i done? i am banned once again at the "zone". i don't mean the erogenous zone. i'm talking about the retirement zone; the site where those who've given up on life and seek a quiet place to live out their lives in sheltered impotence reside. the brochure told me that it was a friendly community and that it welcomed quirky fellows such as myself who like to masturbate. i was hoping for some orgies or one big fuckfest, but instead i discovered that the friendly community was full of emasculated members who lack ambition.

how rather lonely i was, trolling through the community with a stiff prick in hand, but not finding anyone in the community who would provide me with a warm moist orifice.

i was cast out and now i am so lonesome and i am in a cold dark place. i feel like i am in a vast ocean and i am drowning. i have been deprived of my rock and my shelter by the wizard who owns the place. his largesse bestows upon the community such wonderous priveleges like the ability to change one's profile or to moderate one's posts. but now i have been totally cast out of there and i am alone in the wilderness.

where do i go now? are there other sites which i shall find to call home? i don't think so. i have been thrown out of the only cool place on the internet, and it is a terrible thing to be banned from there. i am suffering a fate worse than death. i am so lonely and cold without the friendly retirement community at my disposal.

i might as well just give up on life.

2003-06-03, 10:28
good jesus, come sleep on the cyber couch of dionysians forum ay. remember tho, if u feel the posibility of droolage occuring during sleep, turn the cyber pillow to its bad side which works as a 'stain history' of all the other drool stains from former burned 'ites'.

:beer: help yourself to the cyber minifridge too :beer:

and if u feel the need for :eatout:, then appropriate numbers can be supplied.

2003-06-03, 18:00
miss sweet dollar, i was listening to that song by deep forest called "sweet lullaby", and my thoughts shifted to you. you know the main theme part with the flute in it? that thing is ringing in my head, and it gives me a headache. i think it's an effect like chinese water torture, where the drops don't really hurt you, but if you are a little crazy then it will start to hurt. well, when i listen to this song it is hurting my ears, though mainly my left ear. i've been having trouble with my left ear ever since i masturbated on saturday. right afterwards, i got a ringing sound and i lost some hearing in it. i don't believe it was from my roaring when i came, though i roar like the king of the forest when i am having my orgasm, and all the birds and animals flee in terror.

deep in the forest there is said to be a creature lurking of the likes of our lord jesus christ, who likes to masturbate in seclusion. i am the king of the jungle. you with your large feet, must have a really deep inviting box to sink into. i wish i could explore your inner depths and we become one in a sensual embrace while we hold each other really tightly, never wanting it to end.

shall i cut off my left ear and mail it to you, like van gogh?

2003-06-03, 19:17
I vote yes,

and while U're at it, why not cut off your pecker and mail it to sixxy.

Think of all things U could do if you weren't always beatin' off.

2003-06-06, 01:25
u know... i'm not sure what natures intention is with giving me massive feet... but it's not like i have better balance or anything.

send me your ear for sure, i have never received an ear via the post. I once had a cow's tongue delivered to me, but never an ear.
do u have any idea how freaky it is to come home and have a giant sliced off tongue hanging from the door handle, in a plastic bag?


2003-06-06, 02:37
If a deity roars in the wilderness whilst masturbating, and no one hears it or witnesses it, is it still a miracle?

2003-06-12, 01:33
Originally posted by MasturbatingJesus

i might as well just give up on life. [/B]

might as well put my nic here too.