my wife is pregnant [Archive]

eclectica

2004-07-17, 07:47

This will be my second child.

The first child I have is a daughter who is two years old. Her name is Saffronia Izuba.

For our first child we tried to get pregnant for a couple of years and then we tried artificial insemination in 2001. That process involved my wife having an injection for several days, and then finally another injection that caused all the eggs to be released. At that same moment, she was artificially inseminated so that the timing was correct. My wife was inseminated September 11 2001. It was the first time we tried the insemination process and it worked. The baby was born May 8th 2002.

Due to having fibroids removed from her uterus in the past, the uterus of my wife is weaker, with a risk of uterine rupture during delivery, which means that all child births have to be done through C-section. So all the babies she has have to come out a couple of weeks earlier than their normal due time.

The current baby we have is due February 25. I know the exact conception date because the amount of sex we have is rare. She hasn't been on any birth control pills since 2001, which screw around with the fertility process for several months even after they are stopped.

Thank goodness for Federal holidays, because my wife and I were home on Monday May 31 and we were both horny in the morning. So we got it on and in the back of my mind I knew it was a risk we were taking. Actually it's the first time we had unprotected sex since 2001. But this risk was one which we chose to take, and was actually an acceptable accident for us. We knew that our daughter was lonely and needed a sibling. She will be a great sister, and she is very affectionate, generous, and caring.

In an instant we went from being the couple with mild fertility problems to the couple who in the one time in three years that has had unprotected sex, gets pregnant without even trying! Maybe it was unlikely, but also it is the case that after the first pregnancy a woman can get pregnant more easily afterwards. Couples who had prior fertility problems often end up with accidental impregnations on the next round.

My wife already has a tendency to be nauseous, but that combined with the nausea of pregnancy gives her a severe condition known as hyperemesis (http://www.hyperemesis.org/). In her first pregnancy she was sick at home with an intravenous tube in her arm for a month, due to vomiting so much that she was dehydrated. Now again we are seeing the same symptoms with her and she has been in the hospital for a week. She is supposed to come home on Monday. It would be better for her to be at home so she isn't lonely and bored, as she is in the hospital.

She will be sick until the middle of August, assuming this pregnancy follows the same timing as the last one. She has been out of work since late June, using up all her sick time and vacation time. Normally I hate when the Summer ends, but this year its end will be like a vernal rebirth because my wife will finally not be bedridden and sick then.

We won't know for a few months if it is a boy or if it is a girl. The question I get asked is which one I would prefer. Well I would like both but for different reasons. I am leaning a little stronger towards wanting a boy, because this is according to our plans, the last child we will ever have, and therefore the only chance to have a son. On the other hand having a daughter would be nice because we already have one, and having another would be a fascinating comparison. I feel that it is less stress to raise a daughter because you don't have to worry when they are older about them doing life threatening things like the stuff that makes men have a lower life expectancy.

We've decided on the names. If it is a girl it will be named Leilani Isimbi. If it is a boy it will be named Kadir Xavier.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-17, 08:02

Hey man, that's really lovely news. I'm curious about the names though... what do the names mean, and why do you both choose to have more multicultural names for your children, considering yours is a classic english name? Maybe you should call your son Bob and your daughter Jane? no i think the names you guys have picked out are beautiful.

It's good that you are having your second child while your first is still rather young... then the age gap between your children won't be too big. I think siblings tend to be closer when the age gap is smaller, because they grow and experience things together, and come to understand each other more perhaps. I think if there is too big of an age-gap between children, the older can tend to have less tollerence for the younger child, and they could grow up less close than if the age gap was smaller.

Since you mentioned this is your last child, do u or your wife plan on getting yer tubes tied? ouch.

eclectica

2004-07-17, 16:06

I just discovered that Isimbi is spelled with one S. The name Izuba means sun and Isimbi means pearl in the Rwandan language. My wife is not Rwandan but she knew someone Rwandan who came up with a bunch of words that we liked the sound of.

I agree with the age gap observation you pointed out, that although it may be more convenient for parents to have their children have a large age gap, it is better for the children to be close in age so they have similar interests.

My wife is not planning to tie her tubes that I know of, but we plan not to have more than this child.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-17, 16:28

i would like to have children one day. When i think of having children, my mind often wonders to the impact children would have on my life and my body, and i find this to be very selfish of me, to be more concerned about whats going to happen to my pussy after birth, than putting the joy of having children first. But i then realise that this type of selfishness is not a bad thing, because it acts as a warning signal to young women, telling them they are not yet ready to have children... just like onset of puberty tells a girl her BODY is ready to have children, but choosing to have a child is not just about being physically ready, but its a matter of mental acceptance and understanding too.

I am still very young, and while i know that i am not ready for kids any time soon, i know i will make a good and loving mother one day.

A girl needs time to evolve, and a woman needs time to grow too.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-17, 16:38

I am not 22.

Do you think a female should be ashamed of not being mentally ready to have children? Do you think a female should be ashamed of her evolution?

I don't feel ashamed harbynger.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-17, 16:51

I'm sorry that you haven't reached the maturity level that I need in a woman...for some reason you took offense at that...i'm disappointed is all really...i know its gonna take you years and years of experiencing things...forming and reforming conclusions before you arrive at a level of growth, wisdom and understanding that is adequate for me.

dude, a blow-up doll has the level of maturity and understanding you DESERVE in a woman. Try not to puncture her with your toe nails though, it might be horrific to watch your soulmate deflate right infront of your eyes.

eclectica

2004-07-17, 19:00

i know i will make a good and loving mother one day.
I agree with that. I have a good sense of character and I know that you have a lot of love in your heart. Actually if you don't have children in life that will be disappointing to me. I hope you don't have serious problems with fertility from fibroids.

eclectica

2004-07-17, 19:20

I know that you have a lot of love in your heart.
I was going to edit that sentence and add to it, that you also have a good sense of what is right and wrong. But I believe it is unnecessary for me to do so because the driving force behind your goodness is your personality, which in turn drives your ideology and your values such as right and wrong. So it would be redundant of me to say you are a good person and then say you have good values.

I think personality is something that we are born with, and that influences our ideology and morals and whether we are good or evil later on. What I'm saying is that some people are born good, and some are born evil.

slx

2004-07-17, 20:52

some people are born good, and some are born evil.does your belief stop there?

would you agree, that perhaps some, if not all of us are born with a neutral personality, then influenced as we grow...that our upbringing and or surroundings might direct us to be either "good" or "bad"

i believe we're born with the ability to be either....but due to how, when and where we grow up & perhaps how we're disciplined as children...we're ultimately either "good or bad" based on others perceptions of us

ps...
congratz dude

eclectica

2004-07-17, 22:21

I think there is an environmental influence on people, but the influence of genetics is understimated. I see the differences amongst people in their mannerisms as similar to the differences that you get amongst different breeds of dogs.

slx

2004-07-17, 23:08

i believe that's a cop out saying that a person's "good" or "badness" is based on the circumstances of which they are surrounded by or grow up with.. always exceptions to every rule and sometimes people can even be inspired by negative influences in their lives in order to do better than those influences surrounding them.

you know what semantics means genius?

or did you say something different than what i said?
remember, i'm old and stupid....you're young and smart...help me out oh capacious one, with wee genitalia

slx

2004-07-17, 23:23

it's capricious you buffoon! and stop making fun of my speelling. no dude.....it is the way i typed it

you know, has anyone ever told you that there are a ton of lexicons available online....wow

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-18, 01:29

Personality is something that continues to grow or die throughout a life. Some people as they become older have an increasingly appealing personality, while others, seem to lose theirs.

I agree with both concepts that people can be born good or evil, and also that life factors influene individual outcome.

Many severely evil deeds have been executed in this world, ones for which there are no "circumstance" based excuses... besides sheer human evil embeded within the human cells.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-18, 02:12

considering mental illness is not a factor, there are many extremely evil acts commited by sane human beings, that there are no excuses for.

For example, Dr Mengele, during the second world war was a sane man who used live human beings to experiment on. Sewing people together, inseminating women with animal sperm, conducting live autopsies on people without anasthetic etc. You could have grown up in the worst shithole on the planet, and that still wouldnt' be an excuse.

That in my judgement is evil and bad. But according to you, all good and bad is just individual percetion. I think the masses would call Dr Mengele BAD. That would make it a common perception.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-18, 02:32

so let me get one think ABSOLUTELY clear here:

is it true that you do not wish to have sexual relations with me?

how about if I paid you for rendering such services to me? would you

be more willing or receptive then?

i think thats the stupidest tactic to 'hurt' or 'shame' me that i have ever seen.

Is this why you dont work? poor problem solving skills?

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-18, 02:59

i dont care for you and i hold zero respect for you.

You didn't 'shock' me the slightest, because you have implied that i am a 'whore' numerous times.

I dont see what other motive besides lame attempts to hurt or shame me you would have, pm'ing me asking if i'd accept money for sex and posting on a forum that i am a whore.

Dollar_Girl

2004-07-18, 08:55

This will be my second child.

The first child I have is a daughter who is two years old. Her name is Saffronia Izuba.
.

u know dude... i can't believe it's been 2 years. I still remember u posting that your daughter had just been born... infact i still remember prior to you even telling us your wife was pregnant.

Weird how time just flies by. I think on the internet we tend to lose track of time much easier, and dont really look at history of friendships etc with ppl u meet online, in terms of "years", but more or less you keep track of the history by remembering things that happened, that we all had in common. We tend to speak of the past by reffering to events to make some sort of time association... example " during the flame wars at speak out" instead of saying "3 years ago" or whatever.

It's pretty amazing that so many of us have kept in touch over the years... but sometimes i think of those who have not been heard from for so long... despite those of us who do still communicate on the forums or via email, chat etc... i still wonder how many more years or months till even the remainder of us eventually drift apart and dissapere.

I mean today we're all interacting with each other in our own unique dionysian way, but maybe 2 years from now none of you will remember anyone here. Dollar who? slx who? eclectica whaaa? Who is Tim... nicobie? what's a nicobie? (btw sista, lots o' lovies)

to all.

slx

2004-07-18, 19:05

i don't remember the exact date that the old archived posts no longer interests me..but their so ancient now..and meaningless...what are you referring to here harb....what do you mean?

slx

2004-07-18, 20:22

the old archived posts

slx

2004-07-18, 20:50

nic's right

eclectica

2004-07-19, 06:30

Where will we be in ten years? There will be changes. People change. Communities drift apart.

Different people have different needs when they come to forums. Some come to them because life is bad for them. Others come because they love interacting with other people and exchanging ideas. So the ones who came due to a temporary situation or for personal problems will not be here once their situations change.

My own life is pretty stable and I can see myself still being involved with forums ten years from now. I know that hobbies and interests change and we often have trouble envisioning ourselves in the future having different hobbies and interests. It's good when the people running boards are stable, so they don't shut them down due to having financial problems or getting married and losing their virginity.

There's a great new feature of this board ever since running vBulletin 3 in that there is an archive (http://www.3-3-3.org/forum/archive/) of all the threads made on the board, that one can easily copy the entire site with a web archiving program such as HTTrack (http://www.3-3-3.org/forum/showthread.php?t=480).

eclectica

2004-08-25, 23:53

My wife hasn't gotten better. Her last pregnancy she got better at about what they call 14 weeks, which in this pregnancy would have been two weeks ago. For a while she was eating a little but still vomiting. She was eating some farina cream of wheat and also some fruit. I thought that she was getting better and her energy was coming back. Now she isn't even bothering to eat. Her weight dropped from 175 to 155 pounds since the pregnancy started. She is also getting depressed being sick and bedridden for so long.

Today she went for a doctor visit and the doctor had her checked into the hospital again. Her doctor is located at the hospital. I stayed there for a bit but really couldn't because she roomed was in the delivery section and children aren't allowed there.

That reminds me of a story my father told of how they wouldn't allow children into the hospital back in 1969 when my sister was born. So he took my older brother and sister and hid them in a box and carried it in to visit her, pretending that he had a box of books for her.

Dollar_Girl

2004-08-26, 01:02

i'm sorry to hear about the health of your wife. She has lost alot of weight. It is horrible to see loved ones become ill, because you are over come by the reality of your helplesness.

My boyfriend is a sick puppy, but when i tell him things he should do to help out his health, he doesn't do them. This frustrates me because then he ends up in hopsital. It is the worst feeling to see people you love destroy themselves when there are simple things that they could do to help themselves.

Many times when those closest to you become ill, they suffer silently and don't complain. I can't bear that, just seeing silent expressions of suffering is just horrible. I always wish it was me instead of them.

When i was younger and i had a tummy ache, my father sat down on the bed and said "if i could take your pain, and put it into my own tummy, i would."

Criminal_Sniper

2004-08-31, 13:41

this is beautifull
sorry she has to go through so much pain
some of it is unavoidable
i wish i could share but i only feel it
i would take it all
make so sad that i can not
dude if she is feeling depressed from doing nothing then see if she is interested in learning anything
get a whole lot of resources and she can do something that she can pick up and put down when she wants and go better with after she is ready to go to work
something that is not too active but still keeps her interested
i hope she keeps well
and i hope u keep sane aswell
:p

eclectica

2004-09-01, 04:08

I visited Tata today as I do everyday. Her day wasn't as good as yesterday and she was pretty sick. She vomits a lot of bile but sometimes its color varies. Today it was greenish whereas yesterday it was bright yellow. She hardly has to heave for it to come out. Her weight is now down to 151 pounds.

She gets a time of anxiety around 17:30 and at that time she asks for a shot of lorazepam, sold under the name Ativan. That is a sedative that makes her feel a hell lot better. But the doctors are reluctant to give it to her because it is addictive. She was authorized to have one shot a day but then the doctor refined those orders to say twice a day or every eight hours as needed. So today the nurse came in and she asked for her shot because she was getting stressed out again at about 17:30. The nurse told her that she would have to wait until night time because those are the prescribed orders for the shot. So my wife told her that the doctor refined the orders and had authorized more shots, but the nurse insisted that she would have to wait for her shot. Then my wife gets up with the IV pole and takes a walk down the hall, basically staggering to have the nurse show her those orders herself. What could I do but help her along, since she wouldn't be stopped and was freaking out. And then she made it maybe fifty feet before weakening and slowing, so then she took a seat in a wheelchair. It turned out that her orders in the computer were set to 1 shot per day, but the doctor had verbally authorized it. So the nurse not being aware of that, went by the records. Anyways the doctor authorized another shot and after that my wife pretty much relaxed and I left.

It's sad to see someone who was strong to be beaten down and weak, and when Nature is the cause then you don't have anyone to blame or be angry at. It is more of a shock for Tata's friends who visit her occasionally to see the change in her, than for me where the changes were gradual and I saw this type of thing in her last preganancy. Tata is a figure of strength for many people and to have her be this way is shocking to them. She is strong physically and mentally but she often gets bouts of illness too. Perhaps she has lupus, which is an autoimmune deficiency disease in which the body attacks itself. Some possible theories as to why lupus would happen, is that growing up in Senegal in Africa she may have developed a strong immune system from getting all sorts of worms and infections, and now without those things the immune system turns against the body because it's looking to kick some ass. I don't know if that's related to her hyperemesis, but I think the cause of the hyperemesis is due to her being easily nauseous even while not being pregnant, so that the nausea of pregnancy makes her super nauseous.

The Passion

2004-09-01, 06:48

like dollar, I remember when you first told the web about your first child, it seems just like yesterday to me.

well congrats to you and the misses, hope you get yourself a healthy little beauty again.

I wish her well while she is going through this hard time also.

be well, ec, send her our love.

eclectica

2004-09-10, 16:37

Tata has been getting better for the last week or so. She reached her peak of sickness when they had her on Reglan, which is supposed to help her digest food. It actually made her more stressed out and sick so when they took her off it that helped. She started eating about a week ago. She was hungry and I was bringing her each day cheese, ham, pasta, and croissants with "nutella" chocolate hazelnut spread she added on them (that combo is really good). In the end the only thing that she had trouble with was drinking liquids. She gained something like ten pounds in a week.

Yesterday they removed her PIC line, which was like a permanent intravenous line in her arm. She came home from the hospital yesterday. She has been drinking some Gatorade. A problem she has now is that her feet started hurting and her legs are weak to the point where she can't walk except with support. She has one of those granny walkers with two wheels on the front. Her feet are in terrible pain and she has heat pads on them. I think she is getting this pain because they are coming to life again after being bedridden for two months.

Comparing this pregnancy of hers to the first one, there are some differences. In both pregnancies she was sick with hyperemesis, but she got over the sickness about 3 weeks sooner than in this one. But in this one she has more of an appetite. Also there is the issue of the pain in her feet and inability to walk, which she didn't have in the first pregnancy. Tata says that the baby seems quieter in this pregnancy. Perhaps that indicates the personality or energy level of the new one compared to my daughter. We still don't know the gender of the baby. My wife can feel the baby move around whenever she eats anything sweet, like the nutella spread.

Thank you all for your congratulations, well wishes, and your love for her.

Dollar_Girl

2004-09-11, 00:08

i am glad she is getting better dude. No doubt u will be happy to have your family safe at home together, very soon.

Staying too long in a hospital can break a persons spirit, because it is so impersonal, lonely, dim and repetative.

It can cause depression which is just more stress on a person who is already suffering.

nicobie

2004-09-11, 02:42

I honestly wish your family well.

However, at the risk of sounding the prick, birth control might save her life in the future.

eclectica

2004-09-13, 10:43

nanook

2004-09-13, 20:44

I hope you have a lot more babies..i'm trying to get enough niggers together for a tarzan movie, ay?

Hey, man, that word is extremely uncool!

slx

2004-09-13, 21:00

he's a piece of shit...

he says lame crap like that then deletes it believing it's gonna make it ok, that everyone will forget about it....pooooofe

same as in another thread where he says he's apologized to ec...like that's gonna make it right

til the next time

nic's right about you fats.....there's only one way out

Dollar_Girl

2004-09-14, 12:08

After this pregnancy my wife plans to have her tubes tied. She was thinking that after the first pregnancy that it would be her last but then after a couple of years she softened her position. We were thinking that my daughter is lonely and needs a sibling.

My wife and I have always wanted to have children. She had an even stronger drive than me and would have liked to have five but for me three would have been good. I wouldn't be happy to go through life without children. The most satisfying thing that happened for both myself and Tata was having and raising our child.

Neither myself or Tata had normal loving mothers. Her mother was abusive and negligent while mine was cold and never really wanted to be a mother. My mother is a "feminist" of the type where she believes that motherhood is bad because it is imposed upon women by men who use them as breeding cows. She says she would have been happy with a life not having had children. I was the fourth child and was born because her copper IUD failed.
:sperm: :zap:

Yesterday Tata was talking to my mother on the phone, and she was telling her several times that it's still not too late for her to abort to preserve her health. My mother sees motherhood as a nuisance and in negative terms. My father is more family oriented and I have more of his personality. My older brother has my mother's personality that is the unromantic type which lives life cautiously and properly without taking risks. He got married later than me even though he is six years older, and still doesn't have any children.

maybe she shouldn't get her tubes tied? maybe u guys might want to aim for a third in the future. There are other contraception options.

female contraception worries me because it adjusts your hormones in order to work. that frightens me.

I think we all can look back and see the mistakes of our parents. I don't think you should believe your mother when she says she would have been happy in life without having had children. That's a strange statement to make, considering she doesn't know of a life without children. I wonder how she honestly would have felt reaching 60 or something and not having any kids or grand kids... maybe she neglects her family because it's a security in a sense. At the end of the day she will still be a mother, no matter how she acts.
her saying she would have been just as happy without children is a very cold thing to say.

my father is very verbally abusive, and i will always remember the put downs and the horrible things he has said. He once tried to choke my mother. He says alot of things without thinking, such as how he should kill my mother, and even if he spent life in prison, it would still be worth it. The next day however, he doesn't even remember what he has said.
i blame alcohol for my fathers downfall. he went from a loving and kind man to an angry bitter man.i have seen him lose interest in everything from hobbies to his family. his nerves are shot from the alcohol.

I dont drink, i have a glass of wine every now and then. i have only been drunk about twice in my life. I don't think i will ever become serious about a man who drinks excessively. i think alcohol is something that scars many families.

my mother is a cynical woman, with little change in her daily routine. she has, like my father, become severely negative and bitter in life and when she didn't like something i did in life, she would punish me via constant remarks and put downs that lasted several months.

my teenage years were times of severe stress and tension because of the childish attitudes of my parents.

while i know they have and will always love me, and do anything for me, i am in a sense glad that i have seperated myself from their drama.

nanook

2004-09-14, 12:17

Dollar, I agree that alcohol can and does ruin lives. Especially for those around them. I'm sorry you had to go through that. But you seem pretty level-headed and cool. ;)

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-14, 15:38

raar ur so damn cool
i agree $
the pill is fucked
our country is more condemming than supportive in this issue though of what ive seen
and the pharmaceuticle companies are all in it for profits
like the oil industry
actually hand in hand
logging also

E ur wife seems like she really has a hard time
is that the bastardness of god or just unlucky human nature
u know what i think :p
i make a mantra for her to get well
it will reach her she just will not hear it
hopefully it helps
how she feeling right now?

nanook

2004-09-14, 21:05

Sniper, that's a cool idea. We should all mantra for his wife. I'm not sure what mantra is, but if it's like praying, then it's all good. If not praying, then positive thoughts all sent her way.

nicobie

2004-09-15, 01:26

my teenage years were times of severe stress and tension because of the childish attitudes of my parents.

This might haunt U sweetie........ U be a mom soon, I bet/hope.

:heart:

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-15, 08:18

LOL
who stole Nics account
mantra is like a prayer but it not to some unseen god/s
mantras can be anything said a few times
in childhood u probably got things like ur not good enough u are worthless
i did
it makes u start to believe it
the opposite makes the result opposite
sounds is in the center of everything

Dollar_Girl

2004-09-15, 08:29

my teenage years were times of severe stress and tension because of the childish attitudes of my parents.

This might haunt U sweetie........ U be a mom soon, I bet/hope.

:heart:

yeah. i hope to be a mother one day too. sometimes i think about how hard people try to avoid making the same mistakes of their parents, but there is no real warning when you start making mistakes of your own. i guess it is a cycle anyway. nobody says parental mistakes have to fuck a kid up you know, i guess if the message of love comes through in the end, then what more could u ask for.

Lots o' Lovies

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-15, 08:39

if i had a child now there would be a a bit of wierdness going on
i have my
mother-father
grandmother-grandfather
great grandmother
still alive
on both sides
now that would be 5 generations alive at once
i will live another 90 years at least and im 20
my family lives a long time

parents can fuck kids up untill they leave home
to blame them afterwards is petty
u can change then
u have the choice

Dollar_Girl

2004-09-15, 08:54

parents can fuck kids up untill they leave home
to blame them afterwards is petty
u can change then
u have the choice

i think ur wrong dude. you make it sound so simple. i know so many people that are scared for life, because of twisted and cruel parents. Abuse happens in many forms, and different degrees of it.

u saying to blame them is petty, after u leave home, is like saying a woman that got raped is being ridiculous because she's scared to be touched by any other man after the incident.

it takes time to heal, and sometimes healing isn't a direct choice.

nanook

2004-09-15, 11:10

You are both right. We have the choice to change, but it takes time. And it takes a good support system of people around you. As for mistakes made by parents, it's these mistakes, each different from the others, that makes each of us unique and different. I won't say some mistakes aren't worse than others, but as I pointed out about Dollar Girl, she seems to have survived pretty good, after some shit at home.
And Sniper, you're on your way, man, I can feel it! Even though you feel you can't write that good, the underlying meanings are there and they're good.

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-15, 16:08

pain felt in the home is a reaction to the abuse to feel it afterwards is slightly petty but very common
there is a difference between being raped and being told u are a looser and
u will never get anywhere in life
i agree there are different forms of abuse
physical pain is physical pain
and those who commit it are bastards
dosent make us dirty like many women feel after being raped
no need to rape urself emotionally otherwise
what comes around goes around
no matter how truthfull somethings are it dosent always happen
we need to break the cycle

i found that the beatings were nothing compared to the hatred i recieved and the ignorance
im a loving kind of person
if u do not feel that talk to me on msn lol
i have broken the cycle here
destiny is for the weak

the rapist will get thiers in some way shape or form
and the thing is we hold onto pain like we enjoy it
and to say one man is a rapist and from then all men are is petty
it happens though i know
we do stupid things

something about itching and the ability to scratch it
pain is our attachment to it and bad timing :p

i also think women should do defense courses
i think everyone should

raar glad u see some of my hope

nicobie

2004-09-18, 01:24

Again?

Try keeping u're penis in your pants if u can't afford a child.

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-18, 09:02

or at least just get gobbledicked
:p

nanook

2004-09-18, 11:05

or at least just get gobbledicked
:p

lol.

no need to rape urself emotionally otherwise

I like this quote. In all of your posts, there are always words that strike me personally, as very wise and perceptive.

I take this as the way we all treat ourselves, after a traumatic experience. With our own thoughts, good and bad, although I'm sure that most are bad. By blaming ourselves. It was our fault somehow. I did something wrong. I said the wrong thing. I looked differently. etc.
Something for me to think about. And something we don't need to do.

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-18, 14:12

thanx dude
Tim said to me that i seem to have very many experiences
maybe it helps me help u
thats my goal
my quest
my love

we do treat our selves very badly
we all have low self esteem and motivation
especially at the worst of times

im getting over the fact that i was called God all of my life
and on the other hand a looser
i have been blamed for everything by everyone
im not sure if u can understand it but it was how i felt
our emotions are very damaging and gulible

things we like leed to attachment
that leads to pain through loosing them
things we do not like leads to aversion
we cannot avoid them at times but often place ourselves in the firing line

we are ignorant and deluded and greedy
we can do something

generosity and a search for truth
ive said its all perception and reaction that leads to our interpretations

morality is the first step
then concentration
then the understanding and wisdom will come
fuck it beats drugs

Criminal_Sniper

2004-09-18, 22:41

Tim, lmao, u really gunna say that?????
let me know how it works out and what the fuck thanksgiving is?
not something normal we do everyday or something special?
im not a customary kinda person

and E hows things with u 3? 4 should i say?

eclectica

2004-10-04, 09:59

Tata went back to work on Friday October 1st. She has no nausea but her legs continue to hurt her. She has gained back weight and now looks pregnant.

Because her legs hurt her they are looking into the possibility that she has multiple sclerosis. She had an MRI on Saturday. The MRI made a lot of noise and sounds which I could hear from the waiting room that sounded something like a masonry hammer-drill or loud crickets. She said the baby was moving around vigorously during the MRI. When getting the MRI she felt claustrophibic inside of the machine.

She will get a big sonogram soon and then we will be able to determine the baby's gender.

Criminal_Sniper

2004-10-05, 18:02

i have much to say but im too razzed right now
ive not slept for like a month
first nights sleep tonight
i may sleep all day but ill see
be back here to post myself silly
well not quite
into a light stupor perhaps

Dollar_Girl

2004-10-07, 02:34

Criminal_Sniper

2004-10-07, 03:11

something made me think that the baby didnt like the mri
well maybe it did
but it effected it in some way

something to do with energy waves and the effect on fragile little minds
on any minds

eclectica

2004-10-07, 13:10

During the worst of my wife's illness the baby was supposedly still well nourished. At that point in the first trimester the baby is small so it doesn't need much. But from what I heard it takes what it needs, so if the mother is malnourished then it won't be. I think that later on in the pregnancy when the baby gets bigger, the nourishment of the mother affects it more. Last pregnancy with my first daughter my wife was moderately sick up until the end, and the baby was born with a length of 19.75 inches or 50 cm and a weight of 6 pounds 1.5 ounces or 2.765 kilograms. I expect the next baby to weigh more because my wife is eating better in this pregnancy at this stage than the last one. Her recovery has been faster.

My daughter, now age 2 years and 5 months, is around 34 pounds and is very tall; more than three feet. She is as tall as many four year olds. She's never been heavy in her weight but is not skinny either. She is very strong. When she was less than two years old she could carry a gallon of juice in each arm and walk with it. I was impressed by that because a gallon weighs eight pounds. In the playground she can hold her own weight hanging from bars by her hands.

In regards to the MS investigation, I'm not sure if they would also need to do a CAT scan to reach a conclusion. In that case they may not do it because of radiation and concerns of using it on a pregnant woman. I haven't heard any bad news and I don't know what the results of the MRI gave them.

Dollar_Girl

2004-10-07, 13:59

i'm glad your daughter is a healthy gal, despite the complications your wife had during pregnancy. i hope your unborn bub is just as healthy.

many women experience difficulties during pregnancy. Some physical problems, others mental problems and serious stress issues. Sometimes i think, as cosy as the womb may be, it's still a battle for survival.

Criminal_Sniper

2004-10-07, 18:55

once again theres so much i must say but im too tired
damn this is wierd
but expected

we never stop the reality or birth and death till we choose to
if it wasnt hard or a battle FOR survival
the opposite would be inactive
im glad of all lifes challenges up to date
even though they seems bad at the time

eclectica

2004-10-24, 15:27

We had an extensive sonogram done October 8th, and we found out then that the baby is a girl. The due date of the baby is February 21, but they want it out at least two weeks earlier because Tata has a weakened uterus from the removal of fibroids back in 1998. Such scarring leads to an increase of risk of uterine rupture for vaginal delivery of the baby, so as the first baby was born by C-section, this one too will be born by C-section. The delivery date is scheduled for Monday February 7th. Tata has signed papers authorizing sterilization of the fallopian tubes that will occur during the same procedure as the C-section delivery. I don't like the finality of it, but she has decided that that is what she wants. She will be 34 then. She probably would have wanted more children if she weren't one to get so sick during pregnancy.

slx

2004-10-24, 17:31

i was hoping for a feb 20th birthday...my birthday but she has to do what has to be done for her health

good luck to you both

btw...you guys pick a name yet?

nicobie

2004-10-25, 01:42

btw...you guys pick a name yet?

nicobie would work for either a boi or a gurrl.

wadda ya say 'lurkie? :joker:

(best of luck)

Dollar_Girl

2004-10-25, 04:09

earlier in the thread eclectica wrote :

We've decided on the names. If it is a girl it will be named Leilani Isimbi. If it is a boy it will be named Kadir Xavier.
===

So have you changed your mind about the names?

eclectica

2004-10-25, 11:09

The name will be Leilani Issimbi. I'm still not sure about the spelling of "Issimbi". It is a Rwandan word meaning pearl and is typically spelled with one S, but reads better in English with two Ss. Leilani can be thought of as a variation of the Arabic word Leila, which means dark, night, or born at night. But Leilani also is a Hawaiian name that means heavenly necklace.

We don't care too much about the meaning but we like the sound of the names. This name Leilani Isimbi came to Tata when she was sick in the hospital, and we have continued to like it as the best choice of names.

My daughter Saffronia was born on my mother's 63rd birthday, as Tata had tried to schedule it on that day. She again this time tried to schedule the delivery on my brother's birthday, February 4th, but the doctor told her that Monday is the best day. I was born on my paternal grandfather's 75th birthday and the 8th anniversary of Kennedy's assassination.

nicobie

2004-10-26, 01:13

[QUOTE=Dollar_Girl]earlier in the thread eclectica wrote :

We've decided on the names. If it is a girl it will be named Leilani Isimbi. If it is a boy it will be named Kadir Xavier.
===
QUOTE]

U got to be kidding us.

Haven't you ever heard the johny cash song, "the boy named sue"?

Are U trying to ruin the kid for life? Think about when the poor thing is 10 years old. Is fuc'n with your children's brain that important?

He/She will hate you for life if you stick them with such a stupid, easy to make fun of moniker.

I didn''t think U were that twisted. (however I sure have been wrong before)

nicobie

2004-10-26, 23:53

Speaking about bumping for the lord...

tell me it ain't true.

eclectica

2004-12-16, 03:19

Tata's weight has gone up to 188 pounds. That was a 20 pound increase in the last six weeks.

Her legs don't hurt her except for a little. Before she had a shaking on the toes of her right foot that was going on even when she was asleep. It seems there was some nerve and leg damage from her being in the hospital, but it is better now. She also took some B12 vitamins because we thought it might be the cause of the nerve problems in her legs. Extreme vegetarians who don't eat any animal products at all get deficiencies of vitamin B12. She was not getting any nourishment while she was sick in the hospital over the Summer.

The predicted due date of the baby was February 21, so taking it out February 7th will be a little early but within normal range. Tata's sisters all had late babies so I figure if there were no C-section, that this baby would come out late too. I wonder if the gestation period is affected by size or race. I would expect big people to have longer gestation periods and slower heart rates and metabolisms, like elephants; while I think of smaller people as popping them out after only a few months because everything is sped up for them, like mice.

The first baby Saffronia was born 239 days after conception, and this one Leilani is scheduled to be born 252 days after conception.

Anyone want to place bets on the baby's weight when it is born? I am betting on 7 pounds, 3 ounces = 7.1875 pounds = 3.26 kg.

nicobie

2004-12-17, 00:27

Your wife's name is Tata?

I always thought tata's were tits.

Tits are good.

I'm using a play on "tata's" in my sig at gaz's board.

Let me know if u want me to change it. PM's ok. I won't rag about it

kids are kool

CA_Mule

2004-12-18, 02:37

you freakin jerk off

nicobie

2004-12-18, 23:54

you freakin jerk off

fuc an A, mule...

hahahahahahahaa

CA_Mule

2004-12-19, 00:18

fuc a Dic o bee

U sick fuc POS

U are not worth wiping my As- with.

I have never seen such a loser. Spends all his time on internet message boards trying to my him self feel important by knocking everyone and everything. I bet you have a very tiny pp and this is your way of making up for you lack of manhood.

nicobie

2004-12-21, 00:26

leaning TOWER of pizza....

Big & thick...and won't stop till the job's done.

nicobie

2004-12-21, 00:29

hehe

dillweed

eclectica

2004-12-21, 02:43

Here's a difference between this pregnancy and the first one we had. In this pregnancy we think of the baby in the womb as a girl and we refer to her by her name. But for the first one, it was more of an "it" and we called it "the baby". I think the difference is because for the first one, we were new parents and not used to the idea of another person coming into our lives. But now after having a child already the next one is already recognized as being a person.

When a baby is first born there is not much personal interaction until the baby is a few months old. A newborn is like an "it" or "a baby", and does not respond to you personally. But as the baby grows up it starts to interact with you and then you feel it has a personality. Some people say that the rewarding part comes when the baby first smiles at you. The first months are hard for parents, as far as feeling the rewards of parenting, because the baby is not interactive with you particularly and is needy.

It's hard to be angry at a baby in the first year of its life, but once it gets old enough to know right and wrong then you start getting angry at the child because the innocence disappears.

When my wife was alone and sick in the hospital it would make me feel better to think of the baby being with her in the womb, that she wasn't alone. You don't hear the baby crying or fussing in the womb and could be fooled to think of it in bigger terms than it is, or having some kind of personality, but when it is born and it cries you realize how much of a helpless undeveloped baby it is.

Compared to animals, human babies are born undeveloped, and that is the tradeoff due to being upright walkers with narrow hips and large brains and heads. But for all the talk you hear about roaches being adaptable and being the only ones able to survive a nuclear war, I think humans are the most adaptable of all, due to their intelligence, and would expect them not to become extinct easily.

nicobie

2004-12-24, 00:49

Seeing as it's U're forum I guess you should be able to run off at the mouth all u want.

try, try, to post smart. Long posts suck.

Dollar_Girl

2004-12-25, 00:43

i'm very happy for u eclectica. I am glad your wife has gained weight and that she is healthier than before.

nicobie

2004-12-25, 01:00

As Red Skeleton used to say...

god Bless

nicobie

2004-12-25, 01:07

I sure hope U all had nice holidays.

it's all OK. We can survive.

Dollar_Girl

2004-12-25, 01:22

merry christmas nic. Lots o Lovies to you !

eclectica

2004-12-25, 02:44

Merry Christmas

Dollar_Girl

2004-12-30, 22:28

happy new year. keep safe .

I worked all new years eve last year all the way through to the new year. It was ok though, because where i worked there were heaps of fire works, belly dancers, latin singers and generally one gigantic street party. If i was still working there, i would definantly be working this new years eve through to about 4am. Instead i am going to byron bay which is fun.

eclectica

2004-12-30, 22:40

Here's to you; here's to me
:beer:

Pray to Issimbi, the pearl of the angry, inexorable ocean

Dollar_Girl

2004-12-30, 22:42

i hope your baby is born safe and free of complications. You have quite a year ahead of you.

:flower:

tim

2005-02-05, 03:33

The predicted due date of the baby was February 21, so taking it out February 7th will be a little early but within normal range.

I knew it was getting close so how about an update? Any last thoughts on how it feels right before becoming a father for the second time?

nicobie

2005-02-06, 23:36

and DIE timmie, DIE

Dollar_Girl

2005-02-07, 04:36

Hope all goes well with the birth of the baby :D

eclectica

2005-02-07, 09:14

Today is a big day. We are scheduled to arrive the hospital at 06:00, so I think the baby will be born at around 08:00, which is 13:00 GMT.

My daughter will stay home with my wife's brother who is sleeping here now, and meet us later after the surgery.

I look forward to seeing how my older daughter will react to the newborn. We are not sure how much she understands of the process. We've been telling her that there is a baby in the stomach that will come out. She knows the baby's name so maybe once she sees the baby and we call it by its name then she will understand what happened.

My daughter will make a great older sister, because she is cautious herself and knows what is dangerous. She is also generous and affectionate towards other children. She shares her food and her toys with other children. People say that she will be jealous of the new baby, though I don't think it will be too much. There are enough differences between them with one being a girl and the other being a baby, that their roles are not competitive.

My daughter is partially toilet trained, which means that when she doesn't wear diapers at home during the day she is able to use her little potty. But she often has accidents by pissing on the couch or pissing in her pants when she is not wearing diapers. We put her in diapers at night and when we go outside of the house. It sounds like it would be difficult to have two children in diapers, but it's not really because there is redundancy in the material you need to haul around when you go on a trip, such as baby wipes or a changing pad. Diapers are convenient to use when they are disposable. And you don't have to worry about being able to find a bathroom. Especially with having daughters, it will be harder to improvise by having them piss somewhere in the corner.

tim

2005-02-07, 12:03

it will be harder to improvise by having them piss somewhere in the corner.

tell that to r.kelly :p

tim

2005-02-07, 12:04

oh..and congratulations on the big day!
hope all goes well with everything. :tu:

Dollar_Girl

2005-02-07, 12:27

I think she probably will feel at least a small amount of jealousy over the new baby. Sometimes even men feel jealous of a new born, because the wife as a man once knew her, is suddenly being a mother 90% of the time, leaving him feeling neglected.

It can be difficult for a child who has grown a strong bond with his/her parents to see that attention suddenly become divided. With a new born in the house, the attention is usually not divided equally.

It is good that your children will be quite close in age. Children that go through their growing phases together, tend to have a tighter bond in their adult years, but also compete more during their childhood. When your first daughter reaches puberty, there might be a temporary break in the bond between the siblings.

I'm very excited for you and your family, i hope everything goes ok and that your daugher is born healthy and crying nice n loud.

tim

2005-02-07, 23:54

well? Update us how did things go?!?!

eclectica

2005-02-08, 05:15

During the surgery Tata was vomiting a lot. The anaesthesia makes her sick.

When the baby was born we heard her first cries. I noticed that it sounded like she was gurgling on water when she was crying. This was different from when the first one was born.

Anyways it turned out that they were concerned about the new baby's lungs and breathing so they took her out of the regular baby section and put her in the intensive care unit, where she had breathing tubes in her nose. That was on a different floor and made it so that we didn't get much time with her because she was hooked up to all the equipment. My daughter saw the new baby for a bit but wasn't particularly interested because it was just another baby in the hospital to her.

At one point I was upset seeing the baby there because I just wanted to take her to the mother rather than having her be uncomfortable and lonely with breathing tubes in the nose. I had to step back a little because I really felt like I had to control myself from getting upset and yelling at them for not allowing us to have the baby. That reminds me of the time my first daughter was born and they told us to take her to the doctor's office to test for jaundice and high biliburin levels. So right after we got home from the hospital we had to go to the doctor for a test of the levels, and they took the baby's blood from the heel of her foot. They kept pricking it and squeezing out lots of drops of blood while she was crying, which upset me and I started crying too. It turns out that the whole thing with the biliburin levels was unnecessary and she got better without any medical intervention.

Doctors can see the trees but not the forest, and often parents know what is better for their children than the doctors. But doctors play it safe and would rather inconvenience 50% of the patients to insure that the 1% won't be at risk. They cautiousness is inefficient.

I took a couple of film pictures in the operating room, but I didn't take any digital pictures yet. My wife has a digital camera which I will try to use at some point.

The name of the baby is Leilani Issimbi. In the Rwandan language Isimbi, meaning "pearl", is spelled with one S, but we chose to spell it with two Ss instead. The baby's weight was 6 pounds 14.5 ounces with a length of 21 inches. The baby was born at 09:32 EST or 14:32 GMT.

Dollar_Girl

2005-02-08, 05:30

congratulations to you and your family.

Do they know for certain if there are any abnormalities with Leilani's lungs?

eclectica

2005-02-08, 16:00

They did an X-ray on her lungs and found that there was fluid in them, which should be gone by now. It's not a permanent birth defect.

tim

2005-02-08, 18:43

They did an X-ray on her lungs and found that there was fluid in them, which should be gone by now. It's not a permanent birth defect.

I don't think its a birth defect at all. Think about it...a 'fetus' swimming around in all that amniotic fluid...you're bound to get some of that in your mouth....and as crude as this may sound (idiotic even) the baby would have to have been fully immersed in a liquid state similiar to what you see in sci fi shows when they go to put someone into some type of what do you call it? 'statis chamber' or something to preserve them for a long space trip...too much sci-fi...i know ;)

But still that's fascinating when you think of it..i consider a human with gills..cause how could they breahe when immersed in all that liquid inside of the womb...and yeah i gather that's why the doctor clears the babies mouth and turn them on their side (do they really hold them by the ankle upside down and give their arse a whack?) to get their lungs going...you know they do that (make them cry) supposedly maybe its just an old wives tell, urban-myth type deal that its done for this purpose.

your thoughts? anyone?

eclectica

2005-02-09, 15:10

I thought there was a case of a person who was able to breathe using special oxygenated water in his lungs. But the water normally doesn't have enough oxygen in it that one could breathe in the water. The water protects the baby from drying out. If the sac breaks and the woman's water bursts then the baby needs to be born soon after.

As far as them turning the baby upside down and slapping them, I don't know if they still do that but maybe a little old school manhandling treatment is what is needed to help those babies out. Babies which are born by way of C-section have a high amount of fluid in their lungs because they were not squeezed during their births.
:spank:

nicobie

2005-02-11, 01:55

That's good 'elurkie

things are ok now...........

[sigh of relief].

Criminal_Sniper

2005-02-12, 17:55

congrats dude
finally :p sorry i missed it

i popped a question of how it would be like to be in my mothers stomach again
i real felt like i was in liquid after some time
real thick liquid
and i could not grasp the taste
like a overload of the senses

howz things?

eclectica

2005-02-12, 18:31

http://www.tatom.org/Leilani/

Here are some new pictures. I have nine pictures taken with the digital camera. I took some film pictures but that has to wait on when the roll is finished and the film is developed. I was able to get two pictures on film in the operating room. In the digital camera picture taken February 11th, you can see red marks on the baby's face. That is from her scratching herself. We cut her nails yesterday. She is lighter in color than her sister and has less hair. She also has more of an appetite.

My wife is the light sleeper and the breastfeeder so she has been the one waking up in the night. We have the baby sleeping next to us in a bassinet, which is a small portable crib. Right now my wife and my baby are sleeping while my older daughter and I are up for the day. In regards to any jealousy from my older daughter, I have not seen that. We are still giving her affection and attention despite the presence of the baby. My daughter likes the baby and thinks it is cute, but also loses interest in it when it is quiet and sleeps. My daughter clings to me a lot anyways, and with the newborn being breastfed it creates a polarization in the family, with the newborn and the mother spending a lot of time with each other, and my older daughter spending the day with me and having the same sleep cycle as me. Newborn babies are used to a reverse sleep cycle with being awake at night and sleeping in the day. That is because the movements of the mother in the day rock it to sleep in the womb.

Criminal_Sniper

2005-02-12, 18:44

beautiful dude
fucking wonderful

you know that if you cannot get the bigger picture lined up get the smaller one at least
have a good time with you daughter she looks quiet and curious (but loud at times like all kids)
though im no expert on the matter :p

bet you didnt expect to see me around hey
good to see you
lookin good BTW lol
and so is your wife
id be so in bed after that kinda thing (for about a month)

my best mates brother had a baby
it scratched itself too
good one across the cheek

Dollar_Girl

2005-02-13, 00:17

she is just divine man. I noticed she was lighter in colour too an had less hair. I remember u saying when your first daughter was born that she had a full head of hair lol.

I can't believe how much your older daughter has changed too from the pictures you posted a while ago at your sisters (?) wedding.

I was wondering if you let your older daugther hold the baby? or is she too young for that?

Hey, you have a long road ahead of you raisting two girls! :D

I'm really happy for u dude, and glad u are all healthy.

nicobie

2005-02-13, 01:37

I liked the last pic with the two hands best.

They are small aren't they.

I glad everything came out all right.

eclectica

2005-02-13, 06:26

My older daughter holds the baby, but only under supervision. The thing to worry about is that with young babies, the head needs to be supported, because the baby has weak neck muscles and control. My daughter is very cautious and careful by nature so I don't worry much that she'll hurt the baby. She is not aggressive towards the baby.

slx

2005-02-13, 16:46

http://www.tatom.org/Leilani/
she beautiful e

you and T did well

be happy my trusted friend

Criminal_Sniper

2005-02-15, 16:24

i think i would feel guilty for bring a child into this world right now
do not know if any time is right but id like to do my part or deal with it when it comes

great to see some inoccence coming into the world

to tip the scales

eclectica

2005-02-16, 06:02

i think i would feel guilty for bring a child into this world right now
do not know if any time is right but id like to do my part or deal with it when it comes

When I was in my early 20s I didn't have a strong desire for children. It was something that I thought I would do eventually as part of my vague long term plans, but there were no strong feelings for it. I started getting the strong desire for having children around when I was age 26 and I was already married for a couple of years. I think the desire for children came from the love I had for my wife and the desire to have a family with her. For the second child, the strongest desire was not to have a child, but to give my daughter a sibling so she wouldn't be lonely.

Some people never get the desire for children. People like that tend to be perpetual bachelors with a high turnover in their relationships, always wanting the freedom of the single life and being reluctant to move in with or marry their partners. Or maybe people who are like that haven't yet found the right person worthy of starting a family with and spending the rest of their lives with.

tim

2005-02-16, 06:22

Some people never get the desire for children. People like that tend to be perpetual bachelors with a high turnover in their relationships, always wanting the freedom of the single life and being reluctant to move in with or marry their partners. Or maybe people who are like that haven't yet found the right person worthy of starting a family with and spending the rest of their lives with.

Let's hope for the latter and nicely expressed sentiment, braddah!

Criminal_Sniper

2005-02-16, 13:17

well i do not mind the idea of having children
sure iv'e got things to learn but maybe thats my reason deep down
i do not think im ready
children are amazing and i enjoy being around them
they are not as unforgiving as adults can be
as long as u treat them with respect
ur the boss but it can be done in a good way
plus im poor so i woud not be in a good financial position

plus i do not have a g/f anymore so im living up the single life (again :p)
i enjoy it while it lasts
i do not think i have really met the right person
there was one but i kind let her go
was silly but i was even younger

i had a dream that i had three children
one spoke latin, one sanskrit, one greek (at about 1 year old)
they went around meditating and going on pilgrimages (crawling lol) and teaching in open fields

i think i watched the clip of A Perfect Circle's cover of lennons Imagine too close to going to bed

i think shit is interestingly crazy enough for me to not need a child right now lol

Dollar_Girl

2005-05-13, 08:36

eclectica, how is Leilani doing? I'd love to see some more pictures!
And I hope your wifes health is back to normal.

What kind of personality is your new daughter developing?

eclectica

2005-05-13, 11:08

Here you will see that I uploaded six more pictures ranging from March to May:
http://www.tatom.org/Leilani/

Leilani is lighter in color than my other daughter Saffronia, but she is starting to get darker in some places. You can see on her knuckles, a darker color which will eventually become her color. She is at the stage where she can lift her head when she is laid down on her stomach. She smiles but hasn't done any serious laughing yet. She seems to be quieter and happier than her sister, and is also more independent, because she sleeps well by herself. She sleeps through the night from 21:00 to 04:00 without waking up.

My wife Tata gained back her weight and got up to a maximum of 196 pounds, which is 54 pounds more than her minimum weight over the Summer when she was hospitalized. She eats a lot because the breastfeeding has made her hungry. She decided that she wants to go on a diet and has started exercising more and eating less.

Dollar_Girl

2005-05-13, 11:50

They are so beautiful! Man i wish i had hair like Saffronia!!!!! She looks like a very happy girl. Do you have any nick names for them?

Criminal_Sniper

2005-05-13, 16:00

cute :)
glad to hear about ur wife going better
just cutting down eating will only make ur system weak and in fact make u fatter
but i guess she knows these things
just mentioning it in case
u loose a lot of muscle when dieting
thats why they usually do not work for long and u are still sensitive to fatty foods
my nan is almost 100 and she used to eat cakes and buscuits (not overly)
she is still going and has only really had one problem she broke her leg
a lot people these days are not getting near that age because of poor lifestyle
lol it would have been me if i did not pull my self together lol

eclectica

2005-05-13, 23:29

Do you have any nick names for them?

When Saffronia was young we used to call her "Baby" and I would call her "Boo" or "Sleepy-Boo" sometimes. For the new baby Leilani, I find myself calling her the same names I used to call Saffronia, but then it seems akward to me because of the confusion of identities.

Sometimes I call my wife "Bun" which is short for "Bunny-Bun-Bun" or "Honey-Bun-Bun" as a nickname. Saffronia's old baby sitter used to call her "Saff". When people call her by her middle name "Izuba" I cringe because I consider it sacrilegious that they are calling her by her messianic name.

My wife calls me "Daddy" usually. Most of the time I call my daughter by her first name and my wife by her first name. My daughter used to call me "Tom" but now calls me "Daddy" most of the time.

eclectica

2005-05-14, 05:28

Before my first daughter was born I thought that a strong love and bond would come instantly as soon as she was born. What I found instead was that the love for her grew along with my attachment to her as she grew older. Newborn babies are needy without being interactive and reciprocating the attention, and make no distinction between one person and the other. As they get older they start interacting with the parents and the love the parents feel increases as well.

Parents are reluctant to say that they love one child more than the other, or that their love is finite, but for me I will say that I feel more love towards my three year old than towards my three month old child. The reason why is that I have a closer, more interactive relationship with the three year old and I have known her longer.

I used to worry that I would die without having children and leaving my mark on the Earth, but now that I have children I worry that I would die and leave them fatherless. Especially for my three year old daughter Saffronia, it would be devastating for her, as it would be for me to have her pass away. For Leilani it would only be a loss of potential but nothing devastating. I was reading about that recent Marburg-Ebola virus in Angola that killed 90% of the people who got it. I wondered if my daughter Saffronia were to get it, what I would do. And I'm pretty sure that I would choose to stay with her rather than quarantine her and see her die alone, even if it would mean my likely death. If she dies then I must die too. Love and the will to life is not rational or altruistic, nor should it be. Given the choice, I would rather have 100 million Chinese people die than see my own daughter die.

Having children has also caused me to reassess the fear of the death of my wife. Rather than fearing losing a wife I fear most losing the mother of my children, and how they would be devastated. Also the fact that she is a wonderful parent that could not be replaced, makes me fear for her safety.

I am a big worrier and I worry more than most guys would every time my wife comes home late. While the image of children with cell phones is one that brings to mind spoiled children, for me the motivation to give children cell phones would be to put my mind at ease and to call them every time I worry about them. I'm glad I had girls who will grow up to be strong and tall like their mother, because I know that if I had boys I would worry about their safety and them doing stupid things like driving their car around a sharp turn at 120 mph.

The old lady next door to me in Brooklyn has two daughters, and she said that girls bring to the family while boys take away. And what I think she meant by that, is that boys tend to go off and leave their parents, while girls maintain contact afterwards and are still involved with the lives of their parents. So by that line of thinking then, family surnames of the mothers should be passed along to the daughters, rather than the wives adopting their husbands names after marriage.

My wife didn't take my last name after marriage, but instead kept her maiden name or hyphenated it in a few cases. She then insisted that my daughters have hyphenated names of our two last names, but I would have rather them taken one or the other. I actually think they should have what are currently their middle names become their last names, so they would only have two names: a first name and a last name.

Dollar_Girl

2005-05-15, 12:39

When Saffronia was young we used to call her "Baby" and I would call her "Boo" or "Sleepy-Boo" sometimes. For the new baby Leilani, I find myself calling her the same names I used to call Saffronia, but then it seems akward to me because of the confusion of identities.

Sometimes I call my wife "Bun" which is short for "Bunny-Bun-Bun" or "Honey-Bun-Bun" as a nickname. Saffronia's old baby sitter used to call her "Saff". When people call her by her middle name "Izuba" I cringe because I consider it sacrilegious that they are calling her by her messianic name.

My wife calls me "Daddy" usually. Most of the time I call my daughter by her first name and my wife by her first name. My daughter used to call me "Tom" but now calls me "Daddy" most of the time.

My mother also calls my father "daddy" but in the Slovak language. She has done so for many years. Another nick name she has for him is "Old Man" again, in Slovak.

My boyfriend has been calling me "Honey" or "Sweetness" for a long time, and only ever calls me Katarina when we are arguing or having a serious conversation, or if he is speaking about me in third person. His sisters name is also Katarina, but everyone calls her Kathy. That is foreign to me because i don't see the conection...I always thought Kathy was short for Katherine. I have been calling him "buddy" for about 2 years now, and i call him by his first name more than he calls me by my first name.

When it comes to animals, i usually make up words that don't exist in any language i know. Words that somehow sound in a way that to me represents the animals personality. Those words soon catch on to other people and they also start calling the animal that, along with their propper name.

Dollar_Girl

2005-05-15, 12:46

eclectica

2005-05-15, 14:24

It would be harder for me if my three year old daughter died than if my three month old daughter died. It probably varies depending on the parents. Also, when the children get older there may be a period of detachment as they become independent. Maybe a parent would be more attached to a twelve year old child than a fifteen year old child. I think at that point when the children grow older then one can not say that there is a stronger attachment towards one than the other because it is like comparing apples to oranges due to the unique nature of each child. I'm going to guess that in three years if asked the same question, that I would not be able to say that I am more attached to Saffronia than Leilani.

When parents outlive their children that is probably one of the saddest things that could happen to people. The tsunami was really devastating because so many children died in it. I wonder though if a person lives to 100 years and has his children die off in their 70s, if that person feels okay with it because they lived a full life.

Some people when they get old just lose their ambition to live, while others fight all the way to the end. I think it would be sadder to see someone die who was fighting to the end, than someone who came to the idea that it was his time to die because he had lived a complete life. The will of people can prolong their lives somewhat. It is a fact that after January 1st 2000 that a lot of people died, which means that they held out in order to see what they thought was the new millennium, which actually those poor suckers missed because it started January 1st 2001.
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