Tata's dreams

[eclectica]

http://www.tatom.org/images/tata-sketch2.jpg http://www.tatom.org/images/tata-sketch1.jpg

My wife Tata has cool dreams and she doesn't usually bother to tell them to me. I have a bad memory when it comes to what is spoken to me, so if she tells them to me I don't remember them in detail. I'll try to write them down here to keep track of them.

When she was younger she wished that one of her classmates in school would die, and the next day she found out he had died after her wish. She said that she stopped wishing for people to die after that.

These two pictures you see here are ones she scribbled, and I then scanned. She has a good talent when it comes to drawing things.

She told me about a dream she had recently which involved the old couple who lived next door. In one dream the old lady was dying, and everybody in the neighborhood came to see her. But she asked for my wife specifically, and put her head down on my wife's lap as she was dying.

Another dream also involved the old couple next door. The old lady had died and the husband asked Tata for help in making a meal, because his wife was dead and he needed someone to help him.

I just came back from doing laundry and I saw the old man sitting on his front step by himself. It is a warm breezy night in New York and a good time to be outdoors. When I saw him I felt sad, because based on my wife's dreams it seems that he will have to deal with the loss of his wife soon.

[Dollar_Girl]

It's interesting that first she dreams that the old lady is dying, and then another dream is like a follow up, with the old lady dead and the old man coping with simple daily activities like cooking.

Most people have abstract dreams that start and finish all within a single session of sleep, usually having rather abrupt endings while the mind drifts to another topic.

Your wifes dreams were in sequence. I don't think i've ever had dreams come in sequence. But then again, i don't really remember any of my dreams. I forgot them quickly after i wake up.

I know sometimes i will be dreaming of a flying bus, and next thing i know i'm dreaming about bread without my first dream actually having any type of ending.


It's a bit eerie that the first kid died after she wished him dead, and now she is dreaming of your neighbour dying.

The way you described her dreams about the old couple gave them a certain simplicity in relation to life in general, which gave them a gentle edge. they give me a bit of a peaceful feeling for some reason.



my friend said to me the other day, that she was dreaming about kissing a guy... and then she felt some soft mushy stuff in his mouth, ignoring it she kept kissing him. Then he threw up in her mouth, and she pulled away, and she threw up also.

She looked that up in one of those online dream dictionary thingies, and it says she has issues with her self worth.

She says she only dreams when she is happy, she also mentioned she hadn't had a dream for over 3 months.

I on the other hand tend to dream when i am stressed and unhappy, and rarely dream when i am happy.

Sometimes when i suddenly wake up from a hectic dream, i am very dizzy and despite trying to focus, my vision is spinning (like being REALLY DRUNK) and i get very nautious, and i throw up.

It scares me to wake up like that... first thing when u open your eyes, u can't focus because everything is spinning round and round in circles, despite all your straining attempts to stop the spinning.

[eclectica]

Sometimes when i suddenly wake up from a hectic dream, i am very dizzy and despite trying to focus, my vision is spinning (like being REALLY DRUNK) and i get very nautious, and i throw up.
That's unusual for most people. I've never heard of such a thing. The physical reactions I've gotten from dreams are wet dreams, in which I get an orgasm in my sleep but it happens in real life as well and often wakes me up. Orgasms in my dreams happen really quickly. I'll be kissing some woman for a few seconds or even seeing her naked, and that's all it takes to set it off.

My wife gets intense dreams and nightmares when she takes Melatonin. The same thing happens to her brother, who is a flight attendant, and he doesn't like to take the stuff. Her dreams are able to continue where they left off even when she gets up and uses the bathroom. I don't remember my dreams unless I've gotten a good night of sleep. That's probably because the first few hours of sleep are heavy and the memory isn't working too well then.

[eclectica]

It actually didn't happen once, but twice that my wife wished death upon someone in her school and the person died the next day. I was thinking that was the case but I just spoke to her to make sure that information was correct.

One time she was about nine and she wished death upon the boy sitting next to her. That night there was a fire in the boy's house with a container of gasoline that caught fire. So he took it to put it outside but it exploded in flames and burned him. And another time she was about eleven when she again wished death upon someone sitting next to her in school again. That night the kid died of asthma for lack of air.

[Dollar_Girl]

i think those are very unusual coincidences. Does she believe them to be coincidences? Perhaps not, if she says she no longer wishes people dead, despite doing so previously as a child.

I've never had an orgasm while i slept, though, i have read of women who have.

You men get all the good things :eatout:

[eclectica]

I asked Tata about this today. I said: don't you find that amusing, that you wished death on these kids and they died the next day? And she said she doesn't find the death of people amusing. I asked her what she thought it meant and whether she had any special powers, and she didn't want to talk about it. She's still sick from the pregnancy.

While my wife sounds peaceful she actually holds grudges for a long time; longer than even me. She stays mad at people for a long time. She is opposed to the death penalty because she believes it is too easy for a person to die, but instead should spend the rest of his life suffering.

[Dollar_Girl]

I asked Tata about this today. I said: don't you find that amusing, that you wished death on these kids and they died the next day? And she said she doesn't find the death of people amusing. I asked her what she thought it meant and whether she had any special powers, and she didn't want to talk about it. She's still sick from the pregnancy.

While my wife sounds peaceful she actually holds grudges for a long time; longer than even me. She stays mad at people for a long time. She is opposed to the death penalty because she believes it is too easy for a person to die, but instead should spend the rest of his life suffering.


While dealth ofcourse is not amusing, i think the connection between her wishing death and the person dying is a pretty incredible 'coincidence'.

I wonder if she interpreted these 'coincidences' in the wrong way, causing her to feel guilt as a child? Maybe feeling partially responsible?

I have a friend who had an argument with her mother when she was younger, and the last thing she said to her mother was "i hate you, i hope you fucken die!", and the next day her mother died in the passanger seat of a car, when it crashed.

She says she feels irriparable guilt and pain.





I don't hold grudges really... i think i am too lazy to hold powerful grudges. There is however a single person i REALLY REALLY dislike. On the verge of hating this person, but not quite there. This person is called Tomas. I DISLIKE TOMAS.

[Criminal_Sniper]

i do not have nightmares anymore
they stem from negativeness

[Dollar_Girl]

I've known this Tomas for over 11 years. I think he is a worse shit stain than you harbynger.

I dislike this Tomas for numerous reasons. I wish I had never met him 11 years ago. I wish my boyfriend was not in business with him.

[eclectica]

Some more dreams my wife had

There was one in which she was in a frontier type of family like Little House on the Prarie. There was a bearded man who was the father with a bunch of children. The mother was dead. My wife in the dream thought she was the oldest of the children, but then later on she met the oldest child so she was confused about that. In the dream she was helping the bearded man dress up the children, which she thought was to kill them the next day. Also in the dream there were some frogs coming out of water.

Another dream she had was where she was in a mental institution in Russia, and they couldn't understand what she was saying. Then she was looking for me, my daughter and the new baby and they introduced her to some other family instead with a White father and mixed children. So then they showed her pictures of her real family, but in it the new baby was missing an arm from the war.

And in a third dream the baby was born and they announced it was a girl when it was born, but it had sack covering its genital area. So they opened the sack and found out it was actually a boy.

[Criminal_Sniper]

hahaha
Tim Tim Tim
:p
this is for what?
i don't see who is winning now :D

[eclectica]

Yesterday my wife was trying to imagine the final moments of her 19 year nephew, who was killed on the Joola (http://allafrica.com/stories/200209290003.html) in 2002 along with many others. He was on that boat with his stepmother and her two younger children, who were also his half brothers. Tata tried to imagine what it was like for them in those final moments. He was the oldest and biggest so they probably looked up to him. Was he trying to find a way out while being trapped, as the boat sank down?

The mother of the nephew who died was Tata's sister and is named Annette. Her son went to visit her as a surprise, so she was unaware at first that her son had even died. Tata's brother Ousmane in Senegal knew first but didn't have the courage to tell her. So he visited her and then called my wife Tata on his cellphone and had her talk to Annette to give her the news. When Tata spoke to her Annette told her that her heart hurts, even before giving her the news. Tata thought it was strange and thought she had already been given the news. But it was not the case and she was saying that without knowing yet the news, to say that she felt sad about something. So Tata had to tell her the news and she started crying and wailing and my wife didn't know what to do either and started crying.

[Criminal_Sniper]

nothing or everything
which makes u not see it?

[eclectica]

Tata's father was an executive in Air Afrique, the main African airline now out of business, and was not home to raise the children. He split up with her mother after a while but kept sending money every month to support them. Tata hates her mother, who was a big drinker and was violent towards her children. Her mother couldn't read but was still eloquent. She doesn't know why her mother was so mean but figures it was something that went wrong when her mother was raised. Her mother would make up many tales so she had trouble knowing what the truth was with her. Her mother likes to meddle in the business of her children and cause trouble for them. The mother is more respected in Senegalese culture so she is able to get away with it.

They would get their monthly check from the father and it was supposed to last the whole month, but her mother sometimes spent it all at the bar so there was no food for the rest of the month. Usually towards the end of the month it was bad and they ran out of food. Tata's mother would disappear for many days too, leaving the children by themselves. She often looked after her brothers, and they to this day see her as a mother. When there was no food sometimes Tata's older sister would go out and come back with lots of food. Tata thinks that her older sister prostituted herself in order to get enough money to feed her younger brothers and sisters.

[Criminal_Sniper]

too bad it is not truthull and have repeated the act
u are an untermensch Tim why do u not admit it?

[Criminal_Sniper]

fuckk me once u have fucked me for a while
u have to repay dude

[Criminal_Sniper]

hoping we can move on
been my goal from the start
there is a time and place for everything
perhaps now is it?

[eclectica]

In the last few weeks I have gotten some dreams involving various New York city landmarks. I had dreams on two separate nights spaced weeks apart, regarding the Manhattan bridge. That's the reason I decided to put a picture of it in my avatar. In the more recent dream involving the bridge, I thought that it was going to fall down and I was near it. I also recall a dream recently of being inside of the World Trade Center after they had rebuilt the Twin Towers the same as they originally were. I was in the lobby on the ground floor and I was looking at the sheetrock walls, which was moldy and done poorly. Also there was a fire going on in one of the higher floors, and that made me nervous. I did not want to be in the building because I felt that it was weak as I understood its susceptibility to catastrophic failure, which is an engineering term. So I walked away from it and I felt that I was the only one who was worried, while others were naive.

What is to be interpreted from dreams? Psychologists try to find meanings in dreams, believing that they represent desires or fears. And then there are those who could be described as "superstitious", who see them as a prediction of the future.

Superstition is a way of thinking that is similar to religious thinking. I think of superstition as being opposite to science. I am an atheist and I believe in principle that there is no superstition. Yet I am inclined at times to be superstitious, or to wonder about coincidences. For example, the fact that my first daughter was conceived in a fertility clinic on 9/11, as the towers were collapsing, makes me feel a bit that she has special powers or a messianic (http://www.tatom.org/documents/messiah.htm) aura. When there are coincidences in dates I tend to be aware of them, or if it is a certain time of the day. I was born at 03:33 in the morning. I was pleased that my first daughter Saffronia was born at 14:33 and we shared a 33. Though my second daughter Leilani was born officially at 09:32, I now suspect that the clock was off and she was really born at 09:33. There is a building opposite of the playground that has for its address 333. Recently I was looking at the building and when thinking about the address, I felt a bit fearful. I wondered if it was a good omen or a bad omen that the building right across the street from my daughter's playground had such an address.

I was born on the eighth anniversary of president Kennedy's assassination. I was hoping that for my birthday recently someone would take president W out and put the miserable failure that he is to rest. But nothing happened.

We had a birthday party later, and the thing I wished for before blowing out the candles, was health and well being for my two children, without any tragic events occuring in their lives.

I am very lucky to have such wonderful children and a wonderful wife. I realize how precious and fragile life is. I don't think I'll ever stop worrying about the health and safety of my immediate family. I thought that having daughters would make me worry less, but I still worry, because I am aware of their mortality. The other day my daughter was jumping up and down on the bed, and then she told me to listen to her heart. When I did I was surprised at how fast it was beating, at like 120 beats per minute. Hearing her heart beat was unsettling to me because I knew that her very existence depended on that machine beating away, and hearing it reminded me of her mortality.

When I hear or see things I imagine the worst possibilities, so I often see the dark side of things before tragedies occur. I can look at regular things such as a garbage truck and think of it being filled with compacted dead bodies, driving down the street dripping blood. Or prior to 9/11 I used to look at regular passenger airplanes and see a darkness or evil side to them, because I would imagine them dropping bombs and terrifying people. My wife said that I was like a mentally ill person for imagining such things, but I thought it was more a case of being imaginative or creative, like an artist.

I have lived with what is similar to a mild post traumatic stress disorder my entire life. I get stressed up based on things that I imagine could take place even if I haven't experienced them myself. But I think it is because I am imaginative and sympathetic of others, that the horrors of the World are ever present within my mind.

When 9/11 occured I remember looking at the burning towers, and I felt that it was familiar because I had dreamed of or wished that something like that would happen. And I felt guilty because I thought that I had caused it myself with my own will, wishing throughout all those years that those architectural monstrosities and their hubris would just get what they deserved. I remember going on a long walk in Brooklyn, in May 2000 on a Thursday, when Tata was pregant for the first time, and looking at the Twin Towers as I was walking. It was like a standoff between myself and the buildings. I was mildly obsessed with them and I could not avoid noticing them. It was as if they were communicating something to me. The next day on Friday, I found out for the first time that my wife Tata was pregnant. But that pregnancy failed a few weeks later because the baby never had a heart beat. So it was like the towers won that first time, but I beat them on 9/11 when my stronger will to life overwhelmed and destroyed them.

For me, 9/11 is a day to celebrate and rejoice.

Tata told me this last Monday that on Sunday night, she had trouble sleeping. My babysitter, who is exactly 50 years older than my oldest daughter Saffronia, told me that she had also had trouble sleeping that night. So I felt a little concerned on Monday because of the fact that both of them separately had a bad night of sleep. Perhaps it was a foreboding of something bad about to happen. I also thought in the back of my mind that since the babysitter had the same birthday as my daughter, that that gave her special powers.

Monday night, which was Tata's 35th birthday, Tata's youngest brother tried to kill himself. He started to take a lot of sleeping pills, but his wife caught him. He has been feeling depressed the whole last month. Did Tata sense this and did that cause her sleeplessness on Sunday?

I called her brother today and I told him that before he kill himself in the future, that he would have to explain himself to Saffronia Izuba and say goodbye to her. I told him of how when people die it leaves the survivors feeling forever lacking with holes in their lives and in their hearts, and wishing that they had intervened. I told him that it's normal for people to have their down moments when they are depressed, and that this too shall pass. I told him that the good people are scarce in this World and that it is his duty to stay on and support the others. I said that it would be a waste to just kill himself rather than dying for a meaningful cause, like killing president Bush. I told him that I loved him and I started crying, and I said that he better not fucking kill himself.

I found this song from the new boards of canada album to be sad when I listened to it Sunday night and again last night:
boards of canada - slow this bird down.mp3 (http://www.p2pjihad.org/eclectica/boards of canada - the campfire headphase - 13 - slow this bird down.mp3)

[niztsh]

It's interesting that her dreams are not metaphorical.

[niztsh]

Does she have any metaphorical oracular dreams? I think she has plenty of them but doesn't pay attention on them.

[eclectica]

When Tata grew up she was poor and hungry for many years. It was not particularly because she grew up in Senegal, but because of the state of her family. Her father was an executive for Air Afrique and was gone for long periods of time. Her mother was irresponsible and would spend the father's monthly stipend by partying and going to bars. Tata has two sisters and a brother older than her and three brothers younger than her. As a young girl she was often taking care of her younger brothers when her mother would disappear for a couple of days at a time, leaving no one at home. She is like a mother to her brothers now. One time she came home and found that her mother sold the refrigerator, and they had none for years after that. She went one time with her older sister to steal a live chicken for food from the neighbor's yard.

Tata recalls some memories of family life where her youngest brother was crying and her mother was at the bar. Her father came home and found the baby crying, and went to the bar to get her mother so as to breastfeed the baby. Then when her mother was finished she went back to the bar. She recalls her youngest brother crying and her father picking him up and choking him due to his frustration, while she and her other brothers were hanging on his legs trying to get him to stop. She also recalls what may have been an abortion of her mother, where she was given the fetus to throw in the garbage.

Her mother was strict and would not allow her children to misbehave. Sometimes just a threatening look from her mother would let the children know that they would be punished. Her mother was erratic and drank a lot. She recalls one time that she was so drunk that she was praying to a tennis racket, which she thought was a crucifix. Sometimes her mother would shit in her younger brother's training toilet and it was Tata's job as the girl to have to clean it up. One time a retarded boy climbed up a tree and killed a stork, and just when they cooked it and were going to eat it, her mother came home with her drunk boyfriends and they ate all the food.

While Tata had many bad experiences, she also had some good memories with her mother. She recalls going on nature walks with her. Her mother was unable to read but had a very good vocabulary. She had a strong personality and many men were afraid of her. If she didn't get what she wanted from someone like money, she would start gossip and lies about the person and create problems with harassment.

Her mother was named Aminata Fall and was born in Gambia, which is a small country colonized by the British inside of Senegal, surrounding the Gambia river. Tata doesn't know why her mother was so violent and what kind of childhood she had. Her mother's father was known as "Coco Keeper" and used to shoot at tourists with his rifle.

Tata had no relationship with her mother once she grew up. That was because of the anger towards her as an abusive mother and her mother's tendency to create trouble for those who knew her. Tata last saw her mother for about fifteen minutes in February 2003, when we visited Senegal. It was when she went to visit her sister there that she ran into her mother at her sister's home. Tata was in a hurry to leave.

Sunday January 22nd her mother was found to be in an incoherent state by one of Tata's nephews. She had an aneurysm and went into a coma. She was taken to one public hospital and it was full. Then another and it was found to be full as well. Finally the third attempt was made at a private hospital, where $150,000 CFA Francs ($USD 281) was asked before they would even admit her and examine her. Tata's brother from New York happened to be in Senegal on vacation, so he was able to able to come up with that amount of money.

Her mother was on life support and it was determined Monday January 23rd that she was brain dead. So the relatives were unsure what to do and they then had Tata make the decision. So she called and told them to cut the life support, and her mother died yesterday night.

Though she had no ties with her mother, the event of her mother's death brought finality to the subject and was saddening, with the realization that Tata never had a loving, nurturing mother as most people do.

[nicobie]

bummer :sad:

I'll bet she doesn't do the same to her kids.