the pope speaks about heaven

[slx]

Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope

HEAVEN—The soul of Pope John Paul, which entered heaven last week following a long illness, expressed confusion and disappointment Saturday, upon learning that the Celestial Kingdom of God to which the departed faithful ascend in the afterlife is significantly less luxurious than the Vatican's Papal Palace, in which the pope spent the past 26 years of his earthly life.

"Where are all the marble statues, sterling-silver chalices, and gem-encrusted scepters?" the visibly disappointed pope asked. "Where are the 60-foot-tall stained-glass windows and hand-painted cupolas? Where are the elaborately outfitted ranks of Swiss Guards? Why isn't every single surface gilded? This is my eternal reward?"

Heaven, according to the New Testament, has "brilliance like a very costly stone... of pure gold, like clear glass..." with "twelve gates... each gate a single pearl." Yet the pope, who spoke from the afterlife, said heaven is nothing like the "solid-gold city" detailed at length by John of Patmos in the Book of Revelations.

"Evidently, the Bible was not intended to be taken literally, after all," John Paul II said. "Don't get me wrong: It's very nice up here—quite beautiful and serene. It's just not as fancy as what I'm accustomed to. If I'd known heaven was going to be like this, I would've taken one last tour through my 50 rooms of velvet-draped thrones and priceless oil paintings before saying 'Amen' and breathing my last."

According to the pope, heaven is merely a place of unending peace and happiness, wherein all the spirits of the Elect live together forever in perfect harmony and goodness, basking in the rays of God's divine love.
Heaven Less Opulent Than Vatican, Reports Disappointed Pope

"Up here, everyone is equal," John Paul II said. "No one has to go through an elaborate bowing ritual when they greet me. And do you know how many times my ring has been kissed since I arrived? None. Up here, I'm mingling with tax collectors, fishermen, and whores. It's just going to take a little getting used to, is all."

The pope said it is amusing to think that he has been waiting for this "so-called Paradise" his entire life.

"I spent almost 84 years reciting novenas and Hail Marys to get to this restful place," John Paul II said. "If I'd wanted peace, quiet, and pretty clouds, I could've moved to the Italian Riviera. Frankly, this afterlife represents a significant drop in my standard of living."

"Well, they always said you can't take it with you," he added.



The Onion®

[badfish_76]

I am prolly going to burn in Hell but-lmmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





P.S. You know this is a work of fiction as the article refers to tax collectors in Heaven!!!!! :behead:

[Dollar_Girl]

lol. You know, that is like ultimate comedy... the pope, dissapointed by heaven.

some people find peace imagining themselves going to heaven when they die. To me, peace when i die is being put in the ground naked, no box, no nothing. Think of it, like the ultimate compost.

[eclectica]

To me, peace when i die is being put in the ground naked, no box, no nothing. Think of it, like the ultimate compost.

I remember you mentioned this a while back. I would have trouble being the one to do this to a body if I had to bury it myself. I would feel better covering it with a sheet. Putting a naked body into the ground and covering it with dirt seems disrespectful, like throwing the body into the garbage. Most people have a respect for bodies so they would have trouble doing this task. When you see a dead animal on the road do you swerve to avoid it?

I wonder why you desire this to happen when you die. Do you imagine yourself as becoming one with the Earth in an intimate embrace with the dirt as it fills your orifices and the worms tunnel into you? It's kind of sexy when you think about it, like having sex with planet Earth. I also wonder if this desire to be buried in such a manner is more of a feminine trait. My wife was telling me that in Senegal when she grew up, she used to like to eat dirt or clay, and she liked the smell in the air of the rain when it first starts. Also when women were pregnant they used to eat dirt too. Perhaps the practice of geophagy (http://www.althealth.co.uk/services/info/supplements/nutritional_clay.php) is a characteristic in women. Besides the nutrients that women may need from dirt there is also another factor, which is how a woman perceives her body and its relationship to the Earth. We tend to think of Earth as a woman, like Mother Earth. Do women think of theirselves as little Mother Earths?

And now this reminds me of a letter my paternal grandfather wrote to my older brother when he was only a month old, in which in one part of the letter he said:
"A girl and woman is just naturally more akin to the earth." Some people accused my grandfather of being sexist, but my father said that was his reaction to having an overbearing mother. I will post the whole letter later here after I type it all, so you can see the context of the quote.

[eclectica]

Here's my grandfather's letter, which he sent to my brother a month after being born. My brother was the first of his three grandsons he had descended from his sons, so maybe that was special to him because traditionally those were the ones who would continue the family last name. My grandfather was a writer who wrote stories and novels. You can read about his writings here (http://www.tatom.org/TNRR/jtrpubs.html).

9 March, 1966

Dear Philip,

By the time the mailman has put this in your hands, and you have torn open the envelope and are perusing it, you'll be five weeks old.

Not a very large amount of age, even compared to the brevity of all humans' lives on this planet, which seldom exceeds a hundred years, only a blink in time. Yet I imagine that no succeeding period of five weeks will be so full for you of new sights and sensations and experiences, such enlargement of your understanding. If in the first year of life out in the world we learn as much as in the next twenty (and in those twenty as much as in the next eighty), it may reasonably be said that you've already learned a substantial percentage of what it means to be a person, if not yet quite a man.

Breathing. Sunlight and darkness. Cold and warmth. The look of your mother, the home which you have lost. The huge ceiling-reaching shadow and booming voice of the vast all-wise omnipotent man who is your father. The large, but not quite so incomprehensibly outsized, look of your big sister Beth. The freedom of kicking your legs and waving your arms, untrammeled. The joy of making sounds. It's a rather exciting life, isn't it?

Though you wouldn't have it otherwise, it's always harder to be a boy than a girl, and to be a man than a woman. A girl and woman is just naturally more akin to the earth. They live longer. They agitate themselves about things less. They have less unsatisfied egos. They are more perdurate in many ways, not succumbing to many illnesses which lay men low.

To compensate in part for the hazards of being born a boy, nature has provided that about 101 of you should be born for every 99 girls. Except in time of war, when the numbers may go up to 103 or 104 to 97 or 96 girls, for no reason that has been yet explained. Still with the percentage in your favor, by the age of 12 or so there will be as many girls as boys. And every year thereafter of your life there will be more and more girls and women. Though perhaps never enough for your ambition and satisfaction, with the stag or rooster urge to repopulate the universe.

It's harder being a boy and man because a girl is just naturally a girl, and grows naturally into being a woman. But a boy doesn't always so certainly grow to be a man. He must be brave, he must be strong, intelligent, self-contained and self-reliant. He must take his father for his model, not be too pampered by his mother. A more demanding road to walk, though to a girl it may seem free and wide.

But you wouldn't change of course. Nor would any of your male ancestors. They were men, meeting the challenges of malehood. As will you.

[slx]

http://www.findaproperty.com/story.aspx?storyid=3240

http://www.ac026.dial.pipex.com/naturaldeath/

http://www.motherearthnews.com/do_it_yourself/2003_April_May/Greener_Ways_to_the_Great_Beyond

[slx]

Here's my grandfather's letter.......

i would like to have reminisced with your grand dad

[Criminal_Sniper]

a females base chakra is open at birth

[nicobie]

http://www.tatom.org/TNRR/jtrpubs.html

How interesting. I'll see if I can get my hands on a short story or so.

[Dollar_Girl]

I remember you mentioned this a while back. I would have trouble being the one to do this to a body if I had to bury it myself. I would feel better covering it with a sheet. Putting a naked body into the ground and covering it with dirt seems disrespectful, like throwing the body into the garbage. Most people have a respect for bodies so they would have trouble doing this task. When you see a dead animal on the road do you swerve to avoid it?

I wonder why you desire this to happen when you die. Do you imagine yourself as becoming one with the Earth in an intimate embrace with the dirt as it fills your orifices and the worms tunnel into you? It's kind of sexy when you think about it, like having sex with planet Earth. I also wonder if this desire to be buried in such a manner is more of a feminine trait. My wife was telling me that in Senegal when she grew up, she used to like to eat dirt or clay, and she liked the smell in the air of the rain when it first starts. Also when women were pregnant they used to eat dirt too. Perhaps the practice of geophagy (http://www.althealth.co.uk/services/info/supplements/nutritional_clay.php) is a characteristic in women. Besides the nutrients that women may need from dirt there is also another factor, which is how a woman perceives her body and its relationship to the Earth. We tend to think of Earth as a woman, like Mother Earth. Do women think of theirselves as little Mother Earths?

And now this reminds me of a letter my paternal grandfather wrote to my older brother when he was only a month old, in which in one part of the letter he said:
"A girl and woman is just naturally more akin to the earth." Some people accused my grandfather of being sexist, but my father said that was his reaction to having an overbearing mother. I will post the whole letter later here after I type it all, so you can see the context of the quote.

the idea of rotting in a box seems ugly to me. I imagine the trapped humidity & the bad smell inside the small space, and it doesn't seem normal. Being covered in a sheet is ok, as long as you go directly into the ground, because then you are not breaking down inside a box, but you are breaking down directly into the soil. When you are young, you rely on others for nourishment, and when you die, perhaps it is your duty to nourish the earth on which you have lived. Perhaps it is the balance of life and death, in the same way that as a citizen you have rights, but equally you also have duties.

Have you seen The Secret Window with johnny depp in it? He murders a woman, and burries her in the yard, and ontop he planted corn seeds... and the plants fed on the nutrients her body released into the ground, and he was depicted eating the big juicy corn. It reminded me of canibalism, but i couldn't argue with it... because the man was just munching on some corn.

[Dollar_Girl]

http://www.findaproperty.com/story.aspx?storyid=3240

http://www.ac026.dial.pipex.com/naturaldeath/

http://www.motherearthnews.com/do_it_yourself/2003_April_May/Greener_Ways_to_the_Great_Beyond

i hope this all becomes the new trend when it comes to funnerals and burials!!

you know, people get out loans to pay for fancy funerals, for nice satin lining inside the coffin, and fancy detail on the box... buy burial plots with great views, as if any of it makes a difference.

it's the human tradition to celebrate life and death with comfort and as much luxury as can be afforded. Bridal showers, luxurious weddings and gourmet burials. In a way it is how man shows his respects.

and hey eclectica dude, what a lovely letter! i wish i had something like that to look back on. i guess one of hte most memorable things i have when it comes to my family overseas, is exchanging a couple of letters wtih my grandad before he died. Other than that, i have had no real contact with any of my family overseas. Some don't have phones because they are too expensive.

You seem to come from a very interesting and eclectic family. Your grandfather a writer, and if i recall correctly, your father was a mathematician? You also are strongly unique, and i admire your character and your mind, and no doubt, your children have also inherited that.


oh and HI NIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tim]

what a lovely post.

[tim]

what a lovely post.

compare and contrast that last one she posted here in this thread with the ones she's posted on osiris and tell me which ones you like better and why.

I like the posts on osirius because they are playful and fun..i like the post above because it is real.

[Criminal_Sniper]

haha
its true
E is special
his attention to detail is something many lack

with some training u could be a true genius E
we all can but u gotta cut out the caffeen :p

[tim]

a females base chakra is open at birth

man that is nasty. nobody wants to here about that chit here. sick fukker!

[tim]

haha
its true
E is special
his attention to detail is something many lack

with some training u could be a true genius E
we all can but u gotta cut out the caffeen :p

i think he's 'obsessive-compulsive' and I bet he washes his hands a lot and is obsessed with germs and hygiene.

[tim]

I also think his family is very interesting

[Criminal_Sniper]

im obsessive compulsive
is clean bad?
not over clean to the point where u cannot do anything

and i do not think u know quite what chakras are man

[tim]

i do not think u know quite what chakras are man

you're right. I don't.

[eclectica]

tHave you seen The Secret Window with johnny depp in it? He murders a woman, and burries her in the yard, and ontop he planted corn seeds... and the plants fed on the nutrients her body released into the ground, and he was depicted eating the big juicy corn. It reminded me of canibalism, but i couldn't argue with it... because the man was just munching on some corn.

I have not seen that movie.

Imagine the highest form of altruism, if someone were to merely assess one's own worth on this Earth in terms of one's own fertilizer value to the Earth. I think if someone did that and merely measured his value that way, I would think it is a tragic outlook and try to convince the person that there is more value to his life than pounds of flesh.

I was thinking of something, which is that all elements except iron can experience either fusion or fission inside a star. Iron is the 26th element, meaning that it has 26 protons. Any element which has fewer protons will experience fusion and eventually become iron, while any element which has more protons will experience fission until it becomes iron. so the abundance of iron is an oddity in the Earth, as something like 90% of the universe is hydrogen and 9% is helium. But on the Earth there is a high amount of iron. It won't be until several billions of years from now that iron is the most abundant element in the universe, and then the very last stars will extinguish because they have reached an element which is not capable of any energy efficient nuclear change.

So it just makes me realize how really small and insignificant we are on the bigger scale of things. Altruisim is not so good if it means we are assessing our worth in terms of our fertilizer value to the soil. I think there need to be limits to altruism, and we need to understand that we mean all the world to the people who know us, though we mean nothing to the world.

[Criminal_Sniper]

our problem is comparison
it tend to get us all worked up
not good enough someone else better

more less
bigger smaller
this is this size

can i have a that size drink please?

that is why we speak it but we have forgotten

E billions perhaps trillions

in this compressing universe everything condenses heats and spins

the energy in us sits in spirals

it would take a long time for it to go because of there being so much hydrogen

the contraction that to us seems like expansion is born of a undesribable place which i can only explain what it is not

no dimensions
no time

and they say something can not come out of nothing

sound
touch
smell
sight
thought
taste

where any of them there before they happened?

this creative act is unknown because it cannot be know to the human mind
it can only be aware of its self

good idea just the timing out i think

[Dollar_Girl]

I have not seen that movie.

Imagine the highest form of altruism, if someone were to merely assess one's own worth on this Earth in terms of one's own fertilizer value to the Earth. I think if someone did that and merely measured his value that way, I would think it is a tragic outlook and try to convince the person that there is more value to his life than pounds of flesh.

I was thinking of something, which is that all elements except iron can experience either fusion or fission inside a star. Iron is the 26th element, meaning that it has 26 protons. Any element which has fewer protons will experience fusion and eventually become iron, while any element which has more protons will experience fission until it becomes iron. so the abundance of iron is an oddity in the Earth, as something like 90% of the universe is hydrogen and 9% is helium. But on the Earth there is a high amount of iron. It won't be until several billions of years from now that iron is the most abundant element in the universe, and then the very last stars will extinguish because they have reached an element which is not capable of any energy efficient nuclear change.

So it just makes me realize how really small and insignificant we are on the bigger scale of things. Altruisim is not so good if it means we are assessing our worth in terms of our fertilizer value to the soil. I think there need to be limits to altruism, and we need to understand that we mean all the world to the people who know us, though we mean nothing to the world.


the most beautiful things are natural - like love, birth, smiles and tears. When you celebrate a birth, you are celebrating a naked baby that has come out of a person who has now become a mother. To me death should be the same. You should mourn or celebrate what has happened through your emotions, your bonds, all the natural things that cannot be purchased, perfected or put on lay-by. It isn't the way a body is burried that symbolises our love for that person, but the way we have treated them in their life. if someone i love died, i would want them to have the best burrial ofcourse... i mean saving money when buying the casket, but then buying a new pair of shoes a couple days later can be a sign of disrespect, but i just think that is human conditioning and a cultural issue, and has little to do with real value of life.

[tim]

[b]funerals are for the living not the dead

[tim]

your views are very selfish

[Dollar_Girl]

when a loved one dies, it is important to deal with your grief and do everything possible to understand what has happened. There is nothing selfish about that, and there is nothing selfish about people who try to make their grief a little easier with the knowledge that their loved ones are resting in comfort. It is psychological and your labelling it as selfish shows a strong imaturity on your part, perhaps, even a spoilt imaturity.

[tim]

when a loved one dies, it is important to deal with your grief and do everything possible to understand what has happened. There is nothing selfish about that, and there is nothing selfish about people who try to make their grief a little easier with the knowledge that their loved ones are resting in comfort. It is psychological and your labelling it as selfish shows a strong imaturity on your part, perhaps, even a spoilt imaturity.


As I see it when a person dies the reason for the funeral is to bring comfort to those who are left behind. Once you die you cease being and so these desires for any wishes you may have had regarding how your burial arrangements/funeral go.

If you want a personal example take my dad for instance..when he died me and my mom were very broken up about it and neither one of us could think clearly because of our grief.

We had his funeral at a huge cemetary with friends and family. His side of the family arrange what was said at the eulogy which I later found out offended my mom because they only spoke of him and never mentioned her loyalty or devotion in sticking by him through 17 years of illness with cancer...she felt some of the things said were done deliberately to hurt her by his side of the family and lessened some of her achievements in caring for and supporting him and raising four sons all while working full time job.

They didn't acknowledge her contributions in his life and spoke mainly about how he would work sometimes 7 days a week and kept making mention of other family members that my mom didn't like who had passed on before him saying that they would be with him in glory or something like that.

And a lot of his personal items including some bonds were stolen from our house during the reception for friends and family members most likely by the very family members in attendence.

When my mom dies I want really badly to just lock up all the doors and let no one in because I feel they were all her friends and throughout my life only used every chance and opportunity they got to put me down...that's how my mom feels about his side of the family anyway.

[Criminal_Sniper]

but do u think they would want u to feel sad?

sure it does not feel great but life goes on
death does not

death is still and dark
people do not like it for understanable reasons

it feels instinctual to do it almost
i think it is a hope for love to much
love is good any everything don't get me wrong
buit we attach ourselves to it too much

real love does not have that
it is free
for their best interests not just ur feelings

act
do not react

spontaneous love is better than some kind of forced love

so in a way it is selfish
but not in the blaming way i feel

its the mentality of one over others being the only way to salvation or enlightenment or hapyness

it is one and other

some dictionary wrongly desribes religion as what one does with thei solitary time

it is community as its greatest essence
which has been disrupted greatly in this world

[slx]

sure it does not feel great but life goes on
death does not....this most reliably goes on for eternity....doesn't it?

death is still and dark
people do not like it for understanable reasonsok nietzsche....my interest was peek'd by this.....


how do you know what you said......you been there?

.

[Criminal_Sniper]

no but i feel it

[tim]

click heir to email pope Benedict:


PopeBenedict@palpalcy.rome.it (http://tech.msn.com/news/?GT1=6336)

Pope 'bend-a-dick'? i mean c'mon where is nicobie when you

really need him?

[tim]

This guy looks like he's molested many children.

http://sc.msn.com/2]/H6LG2B2,ML1NZY1C6OPN-,.jpg

or might.

[Criminal_Sniper]

death is for the living