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View Full Version : Last rant

2005-10-30, 20:52
I remember when I was a God here and topics like this (http://www.3-3-3.org/forum/showthread.php?t=582&page=2) one rue'd the day.
I've got another forum (http://members.lycos.co.uk/walterjnr/index.php) here (http://members.lycos.co.uk/walterjnr/index.php) now with which I use to spew my venom.
I guess we can never reclaim our past and some things aren't worth going back for.
That forum is only temporary and will probably go down in a day. It amazes me even reading over just now at how much unresolved anger I had inside of me (venom) and how much I needed to get that out.
You guys really hurt me back then but it was to my benefit as I'm stable and working now.
Most of what I wrote there is angry. It's the stuff I wasn't able to deal with here at the time because you wouldn't allow me to get it out. Some of you may think its silly to let things fester inside of you but how many still hold grudges against me...how long now?

I'm weary of this freedom trap and suppose it would be easier if banned again. I can handle angry it's kindness I don't understand.
Oh do I babble?
Yes I can deal with anger because it I understand.
What's left? This is our one year reunion...anyone want to catch up on where they've been and where they are now in life?
There's a slight bit more that should be posted but only with permission I want you to see a forum I was invited to (no not the UK one) but another supposedly devoted for those like me and not unlike one i dreamed of opening myself.

The people there aren't entirely different from us at all and I even see some similiarities in some of the things I've seen there. I have entered their s'ecret forum sections yet. I did disguise my username but didn't go through very much trouble of using subterfuge to hide my identity on the forum.

Not sure what's in their secret forums but what I've been allowed to see hasn't been so bad at all....forum posting though to me is like that mirror was in one of the Harry Potter films in which a person would sit in front of it endlessly as it showed them only what they wan'td to see or believe.
A forum can do the same for over inflating ego's and let yourself overestimate or inflate your own importance giving yourself false affluence and a subsitution for living.
This forum was my temporary substitute for living and bolstered my self-esteem by the attention that it gave me here figuring that the more attention I got the more important I became.
Anyway you had to hurt me to free from its trap. Thanyou all for breaking my heart.

2005-11-01, 03:41
Like rancid dog meat? or a sore inside ur mouth you just can't stop touching with your tongue...so I am, tim. if I kan get teh biatch talkin agin that would be good.
But she only preys on the helpless and the weak. I am VERY STRONG so she won't do that here.
I can feign weakness, arrogance but the stupidity is real I think even when playing dumb or clueless to draw her out with seeming weakness such as caring.
I'm too tired to stay awake. I'd like to get her talking again but in a good way and not just attacking my ego or arrogance or feigned cluelessness.
Only in weakness does she bite like a scavenger picking over carcass of half-dead prey. What a coward she is to only post when she thinks one's cornered or down for the count.
Usually its after others have 'attacked' or insulted me that she will then applaud their efforts with 'you kick arse' or 'you rock' or something like that regurgitating their insults or offering her own.
I'm really very tired and need to get some sleep. I have work tomorrow. Self-centered, egotistical...narcissistic...trying to think oh yeah repetitive, boring...did I miss any of the 'usual taunts'?
So bottom line. If I get the bitch back in the aforementioned way. Someone insults me..she either lauds the person doing it or adds furthur insult to injury (the scavenger behaviour I referenced earlier) maybe even adding some of her own 'borrowed idea's which others spoke originally now borrowed or adapted to become her own...parroting style, easily influenced and manipulated by repetitive lies.
So if we brought her back just for that what's the point really?
Same old shit different day...repetitive and boring, no?
Nothing new gets said..we don't learn or grow from it...just waste words and grow bitterness which makes us feel bad as SHame is the lowest form of energy in the universe so whenever we use it..ergo try to shame somebody we end up bringing ourselves down as a result of its negativity. The poor behaviour i.e., putting others down only promotes bad feelings for ourselves so why do we do it?
Occasionally things change or occur that I couldn't predict.
I predict nicobie really slams me. Dollar shows her delight then proceeds to offer her own insult someone else follows suit and its the Avengers in the rafters sw00ping down to tag-team my ass again and show me what for. The mob mentality or Avenger's as greedy called them feel united or unity in this behaviour or worthwhile cause so for a moment again they feel they have a "community" here or a worthwhile cause with the goal or focus of that purpose being to chastise me...so to repetitate..They feel united again banning together against a commone foe e.g., "me"
So maybe that common hatred revitalises the languishing community here and dollar_girl posts more personal stuff for her 'friends' which I benefit from as well...I should say more on this some time.
But the more personal information I get from her the better I feel for some reason even if its through osmosis or hand me downs meaning posted for 'you guys' not me.
You don't have to make personal things public.
The euphoria you feel over united against me causes you to feel something I don't know what? a bond again or something and you feel once more able to post such things here.
I get off to hearing about your personal life and its details. I masturbate to most of what you say so I look forward to hearing more about you here in this forum or elsewhere.
So let's get this ball rolling shall we?
Insult me,applaud it,unity, community is back, euphoria, false sense of security>personal posting>I get off.